In Retrospect

Posted on Mon Nov 13th, 2023 @ 3:22am by Lieutenant Commander Finnley Keating VII & Lieutenant Commander P’rel M.D

Mission: Character Development
Location: California
Timeline: Prior to the Kane meetings.
1604 words - 3.2 OF Standard Post Measure

Finn walked down the shoreline. It wasn't a terribly long walk to the secluded area of palm trees where she'd asked P'rel to meet her, but enough of a walk for her to take some to reflect on everything that had happened. How she'd been let go without a court martial was for committing perjury was a miracle and she wasn't entirely sure if she was relieved or not. In some ways, she still felt she deserved some sort of punishment for everything that had happened since Rondac, but in other ways she was starting to come to terms with the whole ordeal. Maybe one day she'd fully be able to see past it, at least she hoped that day would come.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Finn asked as she approached her Vulcan friend staring out to sea. Friend. It was strange to think that not that terribly long ago she used to hate P'rel more than anyone else on the ship. Funny how those things tended to work out, she thought.

Having arrived several hours before their meeting time, intentionally, to meditate on the events of the past few weeks, the Vulcan sensed Finnley's arrival before she heard her. "Beauty..." she mused with steepled fingers, the tips of which pressed against her lips. "You find a great peace here, in this place, I can see why...". Peace was something which had eluded the Vulcan for many years now, and this latest run of events only exacerbated that sense of internal unease which she worked to suppress.

Finn sat down in the sand close by. "Where do you find the most peace?" She asked, curious to know the answer. P'rel had been through more than Finn had in her lifetime yet somehow, at least on the outside, seemed to manage to hold it together. Being Vulcan certainly helped she was sure, but perhaps there was more.

Pondering the answer a moment, P'rel nodded thoughtfully; "I am afraid that is a complicated answer to a simple question. As a Vulcan, I am adept at emotional control when I choose to...however, were a raging fire merely contained by water, and not extinguished, is the fire gone...peace...can be elusive..."

"Then how do you extinguish it?" Finn wondered not only for her friend but for herself. Sure there had been strides made towards recovery, but in some ways it felt exactly how P'rel had described, water just keeping a fire at bay.

Turning to face her human friend, she mused a moment on how best to answer the question within the context of maintaining the fire analogy. "A fire..." she began, "requires heat, oxygen, and fuel...As Starfleet Officers we are readily supplied with fuel with which to feed the fire, and the fire itself cyclically feeds itself with it's own heat. We are, therefore, left with depriving it of oxygen, a life force; such as one's reason for being, all those things in one's life which generate emotions". She paused again momentarily before probing a little provocatively; "What effect was there upon the fire, when you attempted to deprive it of oxygen by leaving the Athena?".

"Nothing," Finn thought about the argument she'd had with Kane and how she felt when she first left the ship. There had been anger and sadness, but no relief from the flame. "It still raged. Even now, it's there's, I can feel it, but it's subdued. I guess I found some water along the way," she chuckled softly. "But you never answered my question. So, how does a Vulcan extinguish fiery emotions and find peace? Knowing Vulcans there has to be some meditation ritual or mind melding with a fire extinguisher?"

"An unorthodox method I must surely attempt" she returned with a tilt of her head and a faint flick of a smile. "Are you aware of the misconception, that Vulcans do not feel emotion...?" P'rel probed.

"Yes. You've seen Uncle Ray's...appreciation...of your species. He once told me 'don't let them Vulcans fool you. They have emotions, strong ones. They're just good at hiding them'." Finn replied with the best Ray impression she could muster. "I assume it's true?"

Nodding slowly, P'rel looked out to sea thoughtfully. "It is...very much so. To find peace one must control the fire, not extinguish it..." she looked out of the corner of her eye exaggerating a disdainful expression "...as most Vulcans do". She was referring of course to the traditional route Vulcan's typically took; not necessarily going so far as to complete Kholinar and purge all emotion, but certainly those who suppressed them. "Engaging with emotion, using it, combining it with logic...this is a challenge known to few". She turned again to look at Keating. "And how do you feel now? Have you decided on the course you originally came here to decide upon?".

"Not really. I need to talk to the Captain, or Commodore now from what I hear. I'm not sure he'd even want me back if I did want to return. I slandered him on the stand and I've caused hm more trouble than it's probably worth," the half smile Finn gave only partially masked the sadness and regret she felt over her actions. Even though she knew they had been the right choice, she dreaded the idea of facing Kane. "What will you do next? I assume nothing has changed with your position on the Athena."

"I am certain he will want you back" P'rel replied quickly. "Whilst we risked his standing, you put your life on the line - not to mention your career and family name - to save him. He would be a fool not to see these things, and the Captain is many things, but he is no fool...". The Vulcan returned her gaze out to sea and again steepled her fingers against her chin. "As for myself...I too must speak with him. I am uncertain what the future will hold. Do you wish to return to the ship?".

"I'm not sure. Yes, and no." Finn looked back out towards the ocean too. The sun was starting to set and golden clouds seemed to ripple across the sky. "My dad was right. I do have a tendency to run from my problems, I just never really saw it before. I think if Kane will allow me to come back, then I should put a stop to that. It's just also...difficult."

"Colonel Keating is a wise man..." P'rel commented. "Perhaps you can take elements of that which you sought here, back to the ship, such as speaking with your family more often?".

"Probably not a bad idea," Finn smiled. "You said you're uncertain what the future will hold...what do you want the future to hold?" She asked curiously.

P'rel pondered that for a moment. Truthfully she was uncertain, though she knew she would follow Kane through the gates of Gre'thor if he'd take her with him. Even though the entire affair had been sealed, she had exhausted her standing within Starfleet Command, at least for now; and the chances of her being able to go back to duckblind operations were virtually nil. Still, she'd had that opportunity prior to the bomb, and had declined in favour of staying aboard the Athena. "I suppose..." she began, "that also depends on the Captain. When are you seeing him?".

"Tomorrow afternoon," FInn sighed. "I'm not looking forward to it. I can't imagine he'll be excited to see me. I certainly wouldn't be..."

"I am afraid I share your sentiments..." P'rel responded pensively. Though there had been a positive result, she had taken some enormous risks and crossed many lines in the process of proving Kane's innocence. She truly wasn't sure how he was going to react to properly seeing her tomorrow.

"When will you go see him? Might I suggest today? Before he has a chance to remember my involvement?" Finn chuckled slightly.

P'rel slightly flared her nostrils as she exhaled with a small smile; "Tomorrow also. He has asked to see me at a most unusual location". The Vulcan looked over to Finn and offered an uncharacteristic squeeze of the human's shoulder; "The Captain is a fair and decent man. I am certain neither of us have anything to worry about".

Finn ignored the supportive squeeze. P'rel had a much longer history with the Captain, she wasn't sure she liked her own chances as much, but only time would tell. "Do you know what the Federation is doing about everything uncovered? A lot seems to be getting swept until the table or at least going behind closed files..."

"A small amount" P'rel responded truthfully. "I would imagine that we will see very little, though a lot may be happening". The Vulcan looked to Finnley again. "I must depart. I have a meeting with an old friend from Vulcan security at the Embassy in Paris. "I shall join you in Dionysus - for a drink" she said, deliberately making the presumption that both of them would soon be back aboard the ship.

Finn nodded, though she wasn't nearly as certain that she'd be returning to the Athena. In fact, she was fairly certain it would take a miracle for Kane to take her back, but only time would tell. "Good luck in Paris," she smiled and got up from the sand herself. "Don't get into any trouble." Finn chuckled to herself as they parted ways. If there was one thing she knew at this point, it was that P'rel seemed to find plenty of trouble anywhere she went.