We are all mad here

Posted on Wed Aug 14th, 2024 @ 7:21am by Lieutenant Ame Solis M.D. & Lieutenant JG Astrja Kyan & Lieutenant Leah Bailey

Mission: Into the Qniverse
Location: Wonderland
2714 words - 5.4 OF Standard Post Measure

Astrja blinked, this was not where she had just been. There was a huge table with a tea set, or many tea sets, she was not entirely sure scattered across it. She was seated in an oversized armchair while at the far end of the table were some odd figures, one that seemed to be some sort of Lapine-form and rested on a smaller furred being that seemed asleep. "No room," they said jointly.

"What do you mean?" said Astrja. "There is plenty of room, it is a massive table, and look at all of these chairs," she added with a sweeping gesture.

"... one of those ..." The Bajoran doctor as her words tumbled out of her mouth and looked defeated, it wasn't the bar and there certainly wasn't a drink that contained enough alcohol to explain this. It felt as though she had fallen from the sky into tall grass, much taller than she'd seen in a long time. Pushing blades aside she could see the table, chaotic and disorganised with ceramics that made no sense.

Sinking her hands into the ground she pushed herself up and to her feet, forcing her way out into the clearing. "Hello?" Ame called not wanting to startle anyone. She noted the Andorian, must be crew but who were the other three?

Astrja leapt to her feet. "Doctor Solis, thank goodness. Do you know where we are? And what are you wearing?" she asked.

"Where did this silly oversized...!?" Stumbing from behind a hedge, Leah almost bumped into the other two. "Eh? What's going on? Why am I wearing this hat...and this silly outfit? The last thing I remember was arriving late for Commander Zora's party..."

"I do not know, I found myself here in, well, this very cute blue and white dress, and this ridiculous table was in front of me," Astrja said with a wave.

“What do you mean? What am I …” Ame failed to comprehend what she was being told before looking down at herself. Gone was the trouser and slip combination, and in was the outrageous frilled neck collar and a large yellow tabard, sectioned with an opposing heart design. A tapered blue shirt with even more frill at the cuff, there was so much colour and pomp. She spun herself around checking for other details; grey suede pantaloons pulled in against her shins, a large brass disc hung at her hip and on the other a flared coiled tube that reminded her of primative instruments.

What was it she had heard over the hubbub and the announcement? The Commodore was talking or berating before half the crowd disappeared. There was a snap. She stood quiet a moment as she pieced everything together. “We’re the entertainment, for a Q?” She spoke to herself primarily, this was the first encounter the Bajoran had ever had with such a being.

Bringing herself to reality, if it could be called that. “I have no idea …” She moved in closer toward the table, “That’s a hare, the ears are too long for a rabbit … and that’s a tired mouse? These are Earth fauna. Do you know Earth stories? I’m sorry this is my second day and I’ve not learnt everyone’s names.” Ame looked a little sheepish, she had planned to wallow in self-pity but otherworldly entities had other ideas.

Her attention was drawn away by the giant hat that was emerging from the hedgerow, across the way. “Big hats and weird tea service.” She looked at her accessories again, picking up the brass disc. A clock. “It’s six o’clock.” She lifted it to her ear, “It’s not moving … what is this place?”

"I do not know," said Astrja. "It reminds me of something from my childhood but I cannot bring it to mind. But a Q? Those are real? I read the stories but it did not seem like anything that could actually exist."

The Doctor considered her answer, “Well yes. I think … we’re not in a holodeck, are we? Unless we were transported but transports don’t do this do they?” She gestured to her ridiculous attire, “Computer, arch.” Ame called out to no response. She hadn’t managed to even get a drink in her yet, this was much more involved than she had anticipated. “This was not like the stories I brought up on, no big bad Cardassian.”

"Have some wine," said the March Hare in an encouraging tone.

Astrja looked over the table, even opening one of the tea pots. "I do not see any wine," she remarked.

"There isn't any," said the March Hare.

"Then why did you offer?" asked Astrja more confused than annoyed. "That is not very kind."

"It was not very kind of you to sit down without asking," retorted the March Hare.

"Where else was there to sit? Besides, the table is set for a great number of people and there are only three of you."

Ame runs a hand over her face, attempting to wrack her brains. Aggressively ruffling her hair to find ears of her own. “What?!” She yelped after tugging at them.

This was an Earth story, it was Jackson’s ground, with his incessant love of pop culture and tales of a bygone era. An idea burst to life, moving toward the large hatted Lieutenant. “Who are we?” She gestured between the three of them, asking the Hare. “What’s this place called?” She couldn’t help but approach the table now, frustration was getting the better of her. “Why is this thing not working?” Irritated the Bajoran shook the pocketwatch.

"Maybe time has no meaning here?" asked Astrja. "If it is a pocket dimension conjured by a Q we could be outside the usual flow of time."

"We could be literally anywhere," Leah remarked, trying to pull the hat up off her head but finding it impossible to do so. "This setup looks a lot like Earth, if it helps. The technology level is a bit hard to tell..." she motioned to the pocket-watch as though that helped. "If it's like a holonovel, then maybe we need to play along a bit. Figure out the story."

"But what is the story here?" asked Astrja, with a gesture to the table and its piles of plates and tea pots. "It all seems nonsensical . . . whimsical . . ." she trailed off, trying to remember what this reminded her of.

The March Hare, looking between them with a bemused expression, suddenly piped up, "You're quite right, everything here is whimsical! It's Wonderland, my dear, and you're all guests at our mad tea party. Time indeed has no meaning, and questions often have no answers. Just ask the Hatter!" The Hare pointed towards Leah with a flourish and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "The next step is simple: enjoy the tea party! But beware, questions often lead to more questions here.”

The Bajoran’s nose wrinkled in frustration, “WONDERLAND! What’s that? Who leads this place? Surely there’s a leader or a ruler. Earth stories do that, especially the old ones.” She looked over Leah again, “The Hatter?” It was physically exhausting and she had not been prepared for whatever this was.

Begrudgingly the Doctor pulled out a chair at the table and sat herself down. She checked a cup making sure there was nothing sinister that lurked inside. It seemed safe so she moved onto a teapot, three spouts stacked one on top of the other. Her eyes rolled and she attempted to pour into her cup.

"Wonderland . . ." pondered Astrja. "The dream of the Red King!" she clicked her fingers. "The Q would be the Red King and we are part of his dream! But does that mean we will vanish when he wakes up?

The Hare's eyes widen and then squint in an attempt to focus on a distant memory. "The Red King? Oh, dear! That sounds terribly serious! Is he the one with the enormous red hat or the one who once ate a whole cake just to prove a point? Or was it someone who simply couldn’t decide on their favourite colour? I do hope he’s not here for tea!" He picked up a precariously balanced teapot and hesitantly peered inside as if expecting something to pop out. "What would he want with us, anyway?"

As Ame poured the contents of the teapot emptied from all spouts, not seeming to end. Even went stood up on the table it continued to stream out and over the table. The Bajoran jumped up from her seat to stop herself from getting wet and saw a bottle on the table labelled ‘Drink Me’. “What’s that?” She pointed at the bottle closer to Astrja.

With a long drawn yawn, the Dormouse stretched out from their tea cup and spread their limbs, blinking groggily. "Red King? Oh, I thought you were talking about the Red Queen’s cousin who lost his way in the treacle well!” They scratch their head, disrupting their cloth-draped hat, clearly trying to recall something from their dreams. "Was he the one who liked to nap in the teapot? Or was it the one who had trouble with his dreams being too loud? I’m afraid I’ve been too busy napping to keep track of all the royalty! But if he’s coming for tea, I hope he doesn’t mind if it’s served with a side of …" their words trailed off with a soft snore as their eyes closed again.

“Where do we find the Red King? The Red Queen?” Ame looked down at her tabard, “I have red on me, who am I?” She pulled at its corners toward the Hare once more.

Astrja curled her antennae in thought. "You are the rabbit who was late?" she ventured. "I have a mental image of a white rabbit in a waistcoat holding a watch and saying 'I'm late.'" She paused and sipped at some tea. "But that is not very helpful."

Turning his attention back to Ame, the March Hare tilted his head and studied her attire, "You have red on you, but you also have those white ears and that anxious look about you. Hmm, if you’re not sure who you are, maybe you’re the one who’s always in a hurry—always fretting about the time!" He chuckled softly, thumping the now wet table with a clatter of porcelain, then added. "In Wonderland, you could be anyone! Perhaps you’re a bit of the Red Queen’s court and a bit of the White Rabbit’s punctuality. It’s all part of the fun, you see. Names and roles can change like the wind!"

The eccentric hare leaned closer and whispered, eyes darting back and forth with speed about his words. "But if you’re looking for the Red King or Queen, you might find them at the end of an unexpected path, perhaps beyond the next teapot or through the looking glass." His hand gestured wildly out past the table and deep into the expanse of brush and trees.

Ame’s brow furrowed, “What’s that supposed to mean?!” She growled after leaning in to see if his words were important. They were just as inconsistent and erratic as before. No use whatsoever.

Frustrated she stretched over the table above the sleepy mouse, grabbed the bottle labelled ‘Drink Me’ and tossed it toward Astrja.

With a slumped tilt of their head, the dormouse stirred slightly and muttered in their sleep. "Look for the crown… or maybe the sceptre… just don’t wake the treacle…" Cloth cap dangling around their chin as they leaned further into the cup.

“I’ve had enough of this!” The Bajoran grumbled and moved down the table toward the darkness of the forest beyond. “We better go look for this King of yours then. The distant sound of birds and creatures unknown chatter out in the shadows, a soft breeze rustling the leaves.

"Yes, Ma'am," said Astrja. "I have memories that there is some sort of monster in the wood though . . ." She paused to arm herself with a teapot and followed after Ame.

The March Hare's eyes widened at the mention of the monster in the woods, his ears twitching with a mix of fear and curiosity. “Oh, a monster, you say? Could it be the Jabberwocky? Fearsome creature, that one! With jaws that bite, and claws that catch!” He shivered dramatically, clutching his teacup with both paws as if it might protect him. “But then again, it could just be a stray thought wandering about… You know how thoughts can be in the woods. Always bumping into trees and such!”

It was at this point that Ame realised she held rank, technically anyway. “There’s a monster in the woods?” Her eyes narrowed at the Andorian as she picked up a ‘weapon’. Water continued to cascade off the table from the teapot the Doctor had previously handled. She moved toward a chair and touched its back, “Can I take this? Not to join you.” Ame asked those who remained seated at the table.

The March Hare, distracted momentarily by the continuing stream from the teapot, glanced at Ame with wide eyes. “Take it? Why, of course! But be careful- it might be a tricky chair, known to move when you’re not looking.”

The Dormouse, barely stirring from its slumber, murmured drowsily, “Just don’t wake the chair up… They don’t like being disturbed, you know.”

The Bajoran couldn’t help but roll her eyes at their nonsensical responses, “Children find this entertaining?” She pushed her foot against the front legs of the chair and heaved her weight back to try and free the chair back from the seat. If she could pry it to pieces there could be at least two makeshift clubs.

Hare tilted his head as he watched Ame struggle with the chair, his expression of curiosity, ears lolling to one side. “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he said, leaning forward slightly, ears twitching with interest. “Chairs around here can be awfully stubborn, you know. That chair has a mind of its own, you know! It might just decide to sit on you instead!”

It was a comment too far and with a strained growl and a creak of wood, Ame pried the chair apart, the seat tumbling forward with a dull thud. Water had begun to puddle around her feet with no signs of stopping.

The Hare looked at the chair the Bajoran was wrestling with, a hint of concern creeping into his voice. “Are you sure you want to go into the woods with just a chair? The Jabberwocky’s known to be quite fond of chairs... especially for breakfast.” He leaned in closer, whispering, “But between you and me, I think it’s terribly afraid of teaspoons. Not that I’d go looking for it, mind you!”

She gripped one side of the chair and offered the other to her companion, “Give me a hand, let’s find the King and avoid the Jabberwocky …” Ame took a deep breath, this wasn’t the type of first contact she had in mind. Children's stories. royalty and monsters in the dark.

Astrja set down the teapot and accepted the club. She gave an Antennae quirk that is the Andorian equivalent of a shrug and stuffed a handful of teaspoons into the pouch in the front of her dress. "The Jabberwock? With eyes of flame and claws that catch?" asked Astrja picking up the teapot again in her other hand.

A short sharp breath escaped Ame’s lips, she didn’t look back at the chaos behind her. Gripping the chair leg club and looking over to her colleague. “I’m Ame, this wasn’t the introduction I’d hoped for.”

The forest ahead was a riot of vibrant colours, where trees twisted into impossible shapes and the ground pulsed as if alive; perhaps it was the movement of heavy feet? Strange creatures darted and rustled in the underbrush, their eyes flashing in the dappled light that seeped through the canopy.

The Bajoran looked back to Astrja, “Are you ready?”