Reminiscing

Posted on Wed Feb 1st, 2023 @ 12:24pm by Lieutenant Didrea Zade & NVeid tr'Rehu

Mission: Character Development
Location: Lounge
Timeline: BACKPOST :: Sometime After Frog in the Throat Part 2
2521 words - 5 OF Standard Post Measure

The evening finally came around. The few extra hours following the placement of the repaired implant where a bit of a daze, and Zade knew she was overwhelmed so she decided to handle work in her office. Where it was quiet. Where her emotions could simply exist. Her work day had ended hours ago, and she opted for a change of scenery by relocating to the lounge. Her work day had ended, but she still stared at the half-finished report in her hand, trying to form her thoughts into words. Picking up her tea, she took a sip, then grimaced slightly as cold liquid filled her mouth instead of hot liquid. Had she been there for that long? Putting the tea back down, Zade leaned back into the chair and stared out the window, letting her mind replay recent events.

Watching her from afar for a moment, after entering the lounge, NVeid cleared his throat to make his presence known. He walked up to the window and leaned on the balustrade, gazing out for a moment, before turning towards her. "Are you feeling better?" He asked quietly, though he wasn't expecting a verbal -or any kind of- response.

Zade didn't necessarily jump, but she did get a brief tingle up her spine as NVeid broke the silence around her. "Yeah," she lied. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks again for helping me with the implant." In honesty, she was still a little tense from the experience, but in past experience it was nothing a good night's sleep couldn't fix.

He gave her a pleasant smile as he moved to sit across from her. "You do know it's rather useless to lie to me about feelings, right?" he encouraged her. "Is the implant functioning as it should? I'm sure Finn did do what she's good at though, but does it feel as normal again to you?"

Watching him sit, the Trill paused before giving in with a light sigh. "Physically, I'm fine. The implant feels and sounds as it should. No static or painful shocks," she responded, resting the now forgotten report on her lap. Zade felt a level of comfort with NVeid, similar to when she talked with Kane the other night. A feeling of understanding. "Mentally..." she paused again before shrugging, "there's a lot going on."

"That's what the counselor is for," the surgeon advised, "though I speak from experience that some level of healing and acceptance needs to come from within yourself... And some feelings may never go away." He gave her a look of plain understanding. "It may take years to learn that, though I have no doubt that you understand. But it may take a kindred spirit to help with some, and I'm at your disposal if you do. On your terms."

Zade listened while he spoke, then shifted her gaze to the window to think. It wasn't just the implant that was on her mind; the fight on the Avalon and those injured by it occupied a lot of her mind, the report she was struggling to write, the recent discovery that Nayisa had transferred to the ship... but part of her did think about the distant past. She knew her response was the result of trauma, and she hated how vulnerable she felt from it. Every time she thought she was over it, the implant would need to be replaced and it ignited that fear all over again. Logically, restoring her own voice would make things easier, but it didn't truly solve anything. Her fears wouldn't go away with the implant. "I'll be fine," she finally spoke up, her eyes focused on the stars beyond the window. "I've come to accept certain things, but certain memories, and associated emotions, aren't easy to deal with."

"I understand," NVeid answered with a knowing nod. "I feel the same." He touched his right eye. "I could have it replaced with a cloned one," he explained, "but I found regaining my voice more important. It took trusting a very young but brilliant doctor, as I think I already told you." At times, he didn't really remember who he told what about his history. "Acceptance takes time," he finally suggested, "and we'll be here when you need us."

The Trill gave a slow nod before letting silence settle between them for a moment. Eventually, she softly asked, "if you don't mind my asking, how did you lose your voice?"

The Romulan hybrid remained silent for nearly a minute as he gathered the courage to tell her. "I was a young surgeon still," he finally answered, "in my early twenties. I had disobeyed the order to interrogate a child and my superior attacked me. I survived the attack, but I was denied proper medical attention as punishment." He pulled down the collar of his tunic to show her the scar he'd not been ready to have removed. "As a telepath, I was a pariah already, and this just made it worse."

Zade was ready to change the subject, noticing his long pause, before he spoke up, and she held back whatever she was going to try and change the subject to. "I'm... sorry to hear that," she said, looking at the scar against his skin. It made more sense why he seemed to understand her... their stories were surprisingly similar. She didn't need to understand what it was like to have no voice. Perhaps her experiences differed from his, but early on she was pitied. Those looks hurt, not because of the sympathy, but because it never went beyond basic empathy. Nobody else knew what it was like, until now.

"Don't be, the incident only strengthened my resolve to try and do the right thing instead of blindly following the orders I was given. I was an outcast even then, but being sent to my last assignment was my salvation even though my superiors intended for me to die there. I nearly did, but Starfleet rescued me and the child I had fled with." He smiled. "He was united with his birth father who had never met him, but had to be sent to as his mother had passed away from an illness. After his father was killed, the boy was sent to me and I adopted him." He reached out to lightly touch her arm. "You'll be alright, and in time you'll be ready to make choices you aren't today. All you need, is time."

Zade slowly nodded as she listened, seeing how he worked through his past. When the hand touched her arm, though, she visibly tensed and ever-so-slightly shied away from the contact. After the draining day revolving around repairing the implant, she was left in a state of mild hyper-awareness. Normally she could control her reaction to being touched, but not while she was simultaneously trying to keep her emotions contained. There was not enough emotional energy for that this time. "I know what you mean," she said, doing what she could to try and ignore the contact. "I do see that change when I compare myself to the past me."

Pulling his hand back, NVeid cast her an apologetic look as he had belatedly remembered she didn't like touch. Even though it had been with good intentions, he did understand because generally, he didn't like unwarranted touch either. "Then you have progress," he assured her, "and you can heal."

The tension slowly eased from Zade's body a couple moments after NVeid removed his hand. A pause about as long as his settled between them like an evening fog before she quietly said, "since you shared your story... I lost my voice because I witnessed someone I trusted involved in illegal weapons trading." The Trill picked up the cup from the table and stared at it in her hands, "I had planned to go to the authorities but he found out. He threatened me and nearly killed me when I ran." She never quite figured out why he didn't finish her off in that alley. Was it because someone noticed? Her last clear memory was looking up at him from the ground as he looked over his shoulder, then everything else was a haze. A slight shake of her head pulled her out of her thoughts, and she took a slow sip of her tea, slightly grimacing again as she remembered that it was cold.

"You are under no requirement to tell me your full story," he told her, sensing easily through years of habit and training that she wasn't telling him everything. "I do find it interesting that those that threatened our lives, ended up not taking it. Did fear hold them back or did our suffering give them more satisfaction?" He mused out loud. He knew in his own case, it was definitely the latter.

At the moment, Zade had no intention of telling him everything, not while she was still processing the day's events. She sat with his words, wondering which category Darius fit into. He was rushed, as if wanting to handle things quickly so he wouldn't get caught, but at the same time it would have taken him less than a second to just finish her off. He didn't seem afraid, but he also didn't seem satisfied either. "I doubt we'll ever know for sure," Zade said rather abruptly. She was running out of emotional capacity for that conversation. "Anyways, that's not all that's on my mind. I've been trying to write this report, but trying to describe everything that happened has been tough. I'm just at a loss for words, I guess."

"Perhaps you should close your eyes and dictate rather than write it," the Romulan hybrid suggested mildly. "I'll leave you to your writing, but please don't hesitate to page me if you want to bounce some thoughts, or experiences. I'm no counselor but I'm likely to be the only one on this vessel who does understand."

Zade nodded, then watched him prepare to leave. Hesitation began to fill her mind as she questioned if she wanted him to stay. At the moment, the lounge was quiet, with some indistinguishable mumbles of conversation from the handful of people occupying the room. Her desire to be alone was primarily to reduce the barrage on her senses, but she didn’t mind the company. "... you can stay if you want," she finally said. "I've been at it for hours and could use a break." While she preferred to do reports while the memories were fresh, she decided to make an exception this time.

"Do you want me to stay and keep you company?" NVeid asked subtly, having the feeling she really rather he didn't despite her words. "How about some tea then.... I find certain types of tea help calm the senses, most of the time." He smiled at her. "If you like."

There was a pause before the Trill nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I'd like some company." As long as the noise in the lounge didn't match what engineering was earlier, she'd probably be fine conversing with him. "And tea --warm tea-- sounds nice. A bonus if it calms the senses."

"Calming tea it is, I will be right back." NVeid returned with two mugs of fragrant and steaming liquid. "Chamomile tea with a dash of honey," he explained, "and a few other herbs and spices that I'm not quite familiar with. It does smell very nice." He offered one of the mugs to her then seated himself across from her. "What would you like to talk about? We can discuss anything you want, however trifle it may seem." He smiled at her. "And it doesn't have to do with you, if you don't want it to be."

While NVeid was gone, Zade's attention drifted to the window again, watching the stars streak by. If only thoughts and emotions would pass as effortlessly as the ship moving through the stars. She accepted the drink when NVeid returned and brought it close to smell, her nose slightly crinkling at the faintly sweet scent of honey and something floral. Not one to be picky about an offered drink, she took a sip. It wasn't as sweet as she had expected it to be, but it wouldn't be her first choice of beverage. It was alright, for a mildly sweet tea. "Have you been to Earth? I tentatively heard that we might be going there next."

"No, believe it or not I've actually never really visited Earth. I chose to visit Betazed instead, and spend time with my newfound family. What about you?" Well obviously she had right, having gone through the the academy?

"For the Academy, yeah." Following her nod, Zade took another sip of the tea. "It has some really neat natural and artificial features. Like California's Golden Gate bridge, which, spoiler, isn't actually gold-colored, or a bunch of cave systems inside of glaciers."

"Any other places on Earth you'd recommend? Maybe... you could show me?"

Zade gave him a small smile, accompanied by a little huff of air out her nose that signalled a laugh. "I didn't really go exploring that much while I was on Earth, so I'm not the best one to give tours. I could ask my friend Nayisa for some recommendations, and maybe we can go together?"

"That is acceptable," he answered, "I need to do some exploring... find some way to pass the time as there's no time to travel to Betazed and see my son. My sisters don't have time this time to come to me either. My father isn't able to accompany him either."

Zade nodded. "Perhaps next time, you'll be able to show your son some of Earth's marvels."

"Perhaps, some time," NVeid answered thoughtfully, "in the mean time, I will accept your invitation." He settled back into his seat and nursed the mug he was holding. "How are you liking the tea?"

"It's nice," Zade responded, glancing down at the cup in her hands. "It smells sweeter than it tastes, which is fine by me. How did you discover it?"

"My ex-fiancée introduced me to it, when I needed something to find comfort in," he explained quietly, "and it did, after she decided to leave." He closed his eyes for a moment as he let the aromas fill his senses. "There are a few variations to it as well, some a little more spice, others sweeter. It can be adjusted to taste, would you like the replicator files?"

Zade gave him a small smile. If it had variations, then maybe she'd stick with this tea for a bit. "Sure, I'd like that."

"I'll forward them to you when I get home," the Romulan promised as he finished his tea and stood. "I do have to go now, I have a call with my son waiting soon."

Zade gave him a nod. "Say hi for me." As NVeid left, the Trill finished her own tea before staring at the PaDD with a sigh. "It can be a tomorrow problem," she told herself, scooping up the device and making her own way out of the lounge.