Get Rid of This Frog in the Throat

Posted on Mon Dec 12th, 2022 @ 10:15am by Lieutenant Didrea Zade & NVeid tr'Rehu

Mission: Character Development
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: Day after 'After action debrief', late morning
2107 words - 4.2 OF Standard Post Measure

Now that things had settled down, Zade had the time to get her implant fixed. The primary concerns after the away teams returned were split between radiation exposure and the Romulan ship, but thanks to her backup translator, she could still do her job. She discovered not too long after things settled down, though, that even the backup started having issues from the radiation, so she sent a message to Finn asking for her presence in sickbay to fix the tech, and also scheduled something with the resident surgeon.

Entering sickbay, she had a PaDD in her hand as she looked around for NVeid and Finn. Prior to her arrival, she had read his bio to see if she needed anything special to communicate while in sickbay, and was relieved to see that he knew Federation Standard sign. It would save the awkwardness of waiting for her to type out her words. As she searched, she noticed that Iska wasn't on the biobed like last night, which gave her a little relief knowing he was finally released to his quarters to recover.

Fortunately for her and Finn though, these days, NVeid was very capable of verbal communication. He smiled pleasantly as the Trill security chief entered. "Lieutenant Zade, " he greeted her as he gave her a quick once-over. Outwardly, he couldn't see anything that was even evident of something being amiss. But, he knew not all issues were ever outwardly visible, similar to when his own bionics bugged out a while ago.

Spotting the Romulan she was looking for, the Trill approached with a smile and a little wave before tucking the PaDD under her arm. 'I'm here to get my implant repaired,' Zade signed. A little exhaustion was evident in her features, the result of a difficult night's sleep, but she didn’t let it affect her energy. 'I asked Finn to help because she's worked with my devices before.' Pausing, she briefly looked around before giving NVeid a questioning look and asking, 'have you seen her yet?'

Briefly thrown by the signing, the Romulan finally shook his head. "No," he both spoke and signed. Though it wasn't necessary to sign, he still did on a frequent basis as it was more or less an old habit. "But if you summoned her, I'm sure she'll be here shortly. In the meantime, why don't you pick one of those beds and hop on, so we can get some scans started?"

Zade nodded and picked a bed, and as she took a seat, she set the PaDD beside her. It contained the specs for the implant and her backup translator for Finn, in case she didn't bring her own copy. She was also using the PaDD to communicate with those who didn't sign. After getting her backup translator fixed when she first came aboard, Zade had sent Finn the specs in case either device broke again. 'My vocal implant started acting up after the away teams returned to the ship, likely from the radiation,' she started to explain, watching him prepare to do his scans.

NVeid nodded. "Radiation will do that," he acknowledged as he picked up a medical tricorder and detached the scanning wand. "I'm going to be in your personal space to take scans, I won't see you sign. If you need my attention, just tap my arm and I'll move away to see it." He stepped a little closer - but not too close - to take his scans. "I have had my own experiences with radiation before, as well as some kind of particles which messed with my ocular implant." If one didn't know, one probably couldn't even tell his right eye wasn't real. "Apart from being unable to speak, does it feel in any way out of the ordinary?"

The Trill nodded to his warning that he would be in her space, knowing it was inevitable. She lifted her chin slightly so the scanner would have full access to the implant, her eyes focusing on the wall behind NVeid. It was weird, at least to her, to watch a medical professional do their thing while they were so close. Knowing that someone was watching so closely, literally, set Zade on edge, so she imagined it applied the other way around too, so she redirected her eyes for that reason. To his question, she thought for a moment before tapping his arm, pausing for him to back up to see her. 'It stings my throat when I try to talk,' she replied, pointing to either side of where the implant was to locate where it hurt. It was better than earlier, but it still ached. 'When the implant shorts out, it usually stings, but it's acting different this time because I don't think it fully deactivated.'

Nodding again as he completed his scan, he set the tricorder aside once he'd studied the readings. Finn would likely want to study them as well as the engineering aspect was well beyond his area of expertise. He lifted his hand, giving her an expectant look, easily sensing her being on edge. "May I touch?" He asked softly, gesturing towards her throat. Despite all the equipment, he did prefer to rely on his own senses where possible.

There was an unintentional pause that briefly gripped Zade's core and made her breath catch in her throat, her eyes briefly jumping to his hand. She didn't like being touched, but she knew that it was inevitable for as long as she had the implant. It had taken time to desensitize herself enough to just tense up instead of experience full flashbacks, but that was for her body as a whole. She was touched on the shoulders more often than on the neck, and from previous visits to sickbay she knew that it took more effort to control her instincts with the latter. 'Unless it's necessary, I'd prefer not,' she responded.

"It will not take long," he promised, "just the tracheal area at the front, I will not touch anything else." He knew his patient was uncomfortable, not only his scan had detected it, but a lifelong experience told him that, as well as his own empathic and telepathic senses. "You do not need to lie down and you can push my hand away at any time. I will not persist if you do." Being a doctor was all about trust, and right now he needed to gain her trust. It was a foundation for any possible future times that he would be required to touch her but may not have the time to ask.

There was another pause before Zade finally gave him a nod and an 'ok' with her hand. It helped ease her tension to be reminded that she still had control. She could also see that NVeid was being honest, but what gave her the push to let him touch her was that she sensed an air of... sympathy? She could start to see that he understood the source of her tension, and if anything it meant she didn't have to explain herself.

Appreciating the gesture of trust, NVeid took a minute step closer and gently probed the area of her implant, looking for any kind of swelling or other indication anything might be out of the ordinary. As promised, he didn't take long and after only a few seconds he stepped back. "There does appear to be some swelling," he reported, "beyond speaking are you experiencing any other issues, or sign of discomfort?"

As anticipated, the sensation of fingers at her throat sent a tingling sensation throughout her body that put her on alert. She became more aware of NVeid's presence, the texture of the bed, even the subtle pressure of her own uniform against her body. The sensations froze her in place, and she didn't realize she was holding her breath until NVeid's fingers disappeared from her skin, and she quietly let it out through her nose. That... actually wasn't too bad. She didn't immediately slap his hand away, which was progress. At his question, Zade shook her head. The doctor had made sure that the away teams weren't affected by the radiation.

He took another step back to get fully out of her personal space and give her some more room to breathe. "I can give you something that should help bring the swelling down," he suggested, then paused for a few seconds. "Have you ever considered replacing your voice box altogether?" he queried curiously, "I am not altogether certain how but a doctor I once knew not quite replicated a new one for me... mine was replaced altogether, the surgery was quite intense I was told. I had to relearn how to speak altogether, though in your case that may not be necessary as you have always known how to speak." He cast her an apologetic smile at his assumption. "I was unable to for more than twenty years, I had to rely on sign a PADD or in rare circumstances, telepathy."

There was a subtle change in Zade's expression as he talked about getting her voice back. It was almost like something pushing on her brows, her shoulders, and even her cheeks. To many, it would go unnoticed or be perceived as being in thought, but it was more apparent to those who understood loss. 'I have considered it. I would probably need to learn to speak again, since it's been a long time since I used my natural voice,' she answered. Zade began to understand why NVeid was so sympathetic to her situation... he had been through something similar. 'I don't want to replace it, though, not yet. It holds...' Zade paused, trying to think of how best to translate the word she knew in Trill. The closest translation to spoken Federation Standard was 'purpose' or 'meaning,' but the sign was the same as the word 'interpretation,' which was a weird word to use. She made the sign anyways, hoping he would pick up on the right word given the context.

Moving to sit next to her, albeit not too close, he gave her an understanding nod. "You aren't ready," he acknowledged, "it took me some time too. For a very long time I was denied treatment, it was punishment for something that, in my mind was actually the right thing to do, but my superiors disagreed. Until a few years after my rescue and fleeing to federation space, a bright young surgeon offered me this opportunity. It was very hard, but with the help of the very few friends I had, I relearned to speak." He very briefly touched her hand. "It's available to you, when you're ready. All you have to do when you are, is ask."

Zade just nodded in response. When would she be ready? It had been twelve years and the odds of catching Darius now were almost nonexistent... but he was still out there, and she couldn't shake that from her mind. The implant was the only thing aside from a trinket in her quarters that served as a physical reminder of what she lost, and she couldn't let that go no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't bring herself to remove the implant, partly because it reminded herself that she'd make Darius pay, but it also provided a comforting presence. It was, after all, specially made. 'Finn hasn't shown up yet... ' Zade pointed out, changing the subject. 'She probably forgot or is distracted. I can take the implant to her and bring it back when it's fixed.'

NVeid nodded in understanding, knowing she might never be ready for this life changer. "That's very likely. Meanwhile if you need anything just let me know. I probably understand your predicament like no other on this ship, having been in your situation."

The Trill gave him a small smile of appreciation, knowing that some of the story was in his file. From what she read, he was telling the truth: he did understand her situation, and not just because the implant was associated to past trauma. It seemed like he understood the struggle itself. 'I appreciate it.' Knowing that all that remained in her visit was to actually remove the implant, Zade took in a steady breath. 'Let's get this over with.'