The Things that go Bump in the Night

Posted on Fri Jun 24th, 2022 @ 1:10am by Lieutenant Commander Savin & Lieutenant Didrea Zade

Mission: Character Development
Location: USS Athena, Counselor's Office
Timeline: Whenever
2400 words - 4.8 OF Standard Post Measure

After two nights in a row of the same memory resurfacing, Zade figured it was time to have a chat about it with someone. She didn't like the idea of... exposing another side of herself to someone, but she knew that counselors would at least keep it private. Whatever was discussed behind the door, stayed there. The Trill came to a stop in front of Savin's door and moved to press the chime, but hesitated just before her finger touched the panel, feeling her stubborn self try to dissuade her. She had dealt with this for twelve years, surely she could handle it by now, but then again, she did walk herself all the way to the counselor's door. Pushing against the desire to leave, she pressed the chime before she could talk herself out of it.

Attention drawn to the indicator on his desk first, Savin stood and directed his attention towards the door. "Come in," he called out.

No turning back now, she mused, stepping in when the door opened. Like many of the counseling offices she had been in before, the room had an air that invited a guest to share their thoughts, contrary to the 'all-business' energy the offices of other department gave off. She spotted the pair of chairs to the side, with a small table between them, and closer to the door was Savin's desk and the man himself standing next to it. Knowing her secrets could see the light of day in this room was what kept her in the room, but also near the door. "Counselor," she greeted, crossing her hands behind her. Her hesitancy was as evident in her voice as it was in her body language. She was feeling exposed already, and it took effort to stop herself from apologizing for the intrusion and leaving. "I hope I'm not disrupting you. I was... hoping for a space to process some things, if it's a good time?"

"That is what I am here for," the Romulan smiled encouragingly, as he gestured towards the lounge area where he did keep a pot of hot tea. "Unless you would like to venture to a place where you feel more at ease? I am happy to go where you are comfortable." He preceded her to the chairs though he did so while continuing to face her. "How may I be of assistance to you?"

"We could have gone to the holodeck and set up the finest scenery in the quadrant, and I'd still be on edge," Zade commented with a faint smile. At Savin's gesture, she willed herself to follow him to the chairs and took a seat in one of them. "It's not you, I just... don't like talking about feelings, especially with those I still barely know. Also, I normally make an appointment first, which is why I asked." She paused to take a breath, silently reminding herself that it was his job to listen without judgement. "I have recurring nightmares about a traumatic event, one that brings up emotions I want to keep in check. I guess... it would be nice to figure out how to convince myself that I don't need to leave my quarters in the dead of night until I'm over it enough to sleep again."

"I do not require people in need to make an appointment," Savin reassured her, "as for not talking to someone you do not know, I can understand that. Perhaps, you would like to remedy that first? Though we are here to talk about you, I can tell you about me first, if that is what you desire?"

Zade thought it over for a moment. The only one she really knew was Finn, but even that acquaintance wasn't strong enough for her to open up. The only reason she even let Kane in the other night was because she had a feeling he would understand, but even what they talked about wasn't what she was seeking guidance for. While she barely knew Savin, the fact that she went to him first was a sign of the trust she was already deciding to place in him. Perhaps learning more about him would give her that extra assurance. Eventually, she gave him a nod. "I think that would help."

Savin gave a quiet nod as he considered his next step. "What would you like to know? I have very few secrets so I will answer any questions as best as I can."

Silence filled the room as Zade thought it over, racking her brain for what she wanted to know about him. There wasn't anything in particular she wanted or even needed to know, she really just wanted to see that he was a mortal like herself. "To start, how did you become a counselor? Was it always what you wanted to do?"

"I went to Starfleet medical," Savin smiled, then shook his head. "No I did not always want to be a counselor but it turned out I was better suited for it. Initially, I wanted to follow into my father's footsteps and become a medical doctor. I pretty much grew up in and around medical facilities, but as I grew older and did attend medical school I found I was better suited to ah...listen to people and help them in different ways."

Zade found herself resonating with some of Savin's words. Her own father had been a source of inspiration for her after he got the Kal symbiont, and she completed the initiate program as a result. The Trill then gave a faint smile, the contradiction of a deaf man listening not lost on her. "I'll admit, it surprised me when I learned you were deaf. How you listen or, uh... connect with people?"

"I can see what you are saying as long as you are facing me," the counselor explained patiently, "as well as see your body language and sense your dominant feelings. I am a touch telepath and my skills did develop beyond normal for a Vulcan, due to my handicap. Years of practice and training did help with that." He paused, gauging her reaction. "Even though I am not Vulcan, though I assume you already knew this, being security chief."

"Yes, I am aware," Zade confirmed with a nod. The news that he wasn't Vulcan wasn't that surprising to her, since Mason had informed her when they were searching for Savin on Ithaca. "I understand staying within line of sight, to a degree," she added, after a moment of thought. "The more obvious reason is for security purposes, but I have to sign whenever my vocal implant fails, and I learned that a visual language works best when it can be seen."

"It usually does yes," Savin confirmed, "has your implant ever failed?" He paused, carefully considering his next words. "Perhaps you should speak with Doctor tr'Rehu at some point, he was mute for half his life, but had a voice box replacement surgery before his transfer to Athena. He had to relearn how to speak, but he is doing quite well with it."

"Oh, yeah," Zade replied, as if it were as normal as the weather. "Really whenever a power disruptor is used, it shorts the implant. I usually have to make a visit to sickbay afterwards to get it removed so it can be fixed." She grew curious about tr'Rehu as Savin talked about him. If anything, she wondered if he could understand her own experiences. Obviously, he'd likely understand the struggle of communicating without speech, but learning to talk again was not a pleasant experience, at least for Zade. It was frustrating and exhausting, at least to her. "I do have experience with speech therapy, so if he needs someone to complain about it to, he can reach out to me," she said with a brief smile.

"Like me, he signs out of habit, but yes he can get frustrated. Still, I have it on good authority that he is doing well. Obviously, I cannot judge as I cannot hear him. He uses telepathy or sign when in conversation with me. Even so, I do recommend you speak with him. Perhaps such surgery is an option for you to consider as well?"

The Trill nodded, making a note to reach out to tr'Rehu at some point. Thinking for a moment, Zade figured this was the best opportunity to transition into what she was there for. The conversation did help ease her tensions some, and she was finally starting to feel comfortable enough to talk about things. "I have considered it. Hell, Dr. Ki even asked if that was something I'd be interested in during my recent physical." There was no doubt that the heavy feeling she felt inside wove its way into her expression, and she stared at the table between them. "I declined, because I've found the implant to be useful at times, but it also holds significance." Zade took in a slow breath, "the audio recordings used to simulate my voice come from before my parents and sister were killed. I guess in a way it's like I have some of them still with me."

The counselor nodded sympathetically, inwardly steeling himself against the near overwhelming sense of loss that washed over him. "If it works for you then there is no requirement for change," he suggested calmly, "though you must understand that moving on will not tarnish their memory. It is no injustice to them if you do, as they will always be with you."

"To an extent, I like to think I have moved on," Zade said, knowing her words weren't really true. It took her a while, but she eventually accepted what had happened. But if she had truly moved on, then she wouldn't get the nightmares, and she certainly wouldn't be here, talking about it. "They're gone, I can't change that." She paused, that self conscious tug of feeling exposed creeping in. "I got the implant because their killer tried to kill me as well, and my nightmares are often reliving that. It's only been a recent occurrence, and it tends to happen when the environment changes, like transferring to a new ship." A slight blush crept onto her cheeks, as if she were embarrassed at her own words. "After these nightmares, I can't shake the feeling that he's in the room with me. Obviously, he isn't, and I know that, but I can't fully convince myself."

"If it only happens when you change positions then I assume the nightmares will pass soon," Savin commented, without judgement in his voice. If anything, he was very understanding of her position. "What have you tried so far, to keep nightmares at bay? Are you keeping a light on, so you are not in complete darkness when they do wake you? Darkness, in my personal experience, can be extremely disorienting."

"I do turn on the lights, and check out my quarters," Zade replied, shifting her gaze so she wasn't looking directly at him but more at his shoulder. Anything other than into his eyes, where he could see the embarrassment that she was sure was incredibly easy to read. His mention that the nightmares would pass soon was a familiar phrase. Others had said the same thing, and they were right, they did eventually cease, but at the same time it sucked to have those nightmares every time she transferred. "I also tend to take a walk around the ship."

The counselor nodded in approval, it seemed to him that she was taking measures. "How is your sleeping routine?" he then asked. "Do you do anything prior to going to sleep that will aid in your relaxation? Do you always follow the same routine?"

Zade thought for a moment. "I usually read before bed, unless it's been a long day. I think that's about as routine as I get." Perhaps there was something different she could do in her routine, something to help ease the worry that something or someone might be in her quarters. The thought made her cheeks feel warmer than they already were. It was literally her job to deal with intruders, and yeah she was afraid sometimes but she didn't let that stop her. If someone was in her quarters, surely she'd treat it like any other intrusion. She felt silly for being afraid of something that wasn't a reality.

"I would like you to try meditation," Savin suggested, "or perhaps other relaxing exercises that you feel more comfortable with. I also would like you to try and keep a set routine for a few days. The same thing before you head to bed, and a set bed time. And then I would like you to come back and tell me how your experience was."

Meditation wasn't really something the Trill had considered. Schedules and routine, however, were always on her mind. Zade then slowly nodded. "I can give it a shot. Do you have any recommendations for a guided thing?"

"I can recommend the holodeck," Savin answered slowly, "or I can assist you if you are willing to let me into your private domain."

"I'll try the holodeck first," Zade decided, after a short moment to think. Compared to when she walked into his office, she felt a bit more comfortable, and throughout their conversation some of her tension had gradually eased, even though her cheeks were still bright with embarrassment. The subtle shift away from the source of her shame did help to start washing away the pink on her cheeks. "... and if I have trouble, I'll let you know?"

"That is acceptable." The counselor paused as he considered something. "This is your call Zade... I can only be of as much assistance to you as you allow me to be. I would never enforce it, only recommend it. Ultimately, you have to do this yourself, I can only be your guide in this healing process."

Zade nodded, sensing thay the conversation was coming to a close. "Understood. I'll see you in a few days then. Thank you for your time, counselor."

"Any time," the counselor smiled back and watched the Trill female leave his office. He hoped she'd take his advice, but knew from experience that a great many would still struggle and try to deal with things their own way.