Twenty Questions

Posted on Mon Jun 28th, 2021 @ 3:54pm by Lieutenant Commander Finnley Keating VII & Lieutenant Commander Savin

Mission: Character Development
Location: Savin's quarters
Timeline: After release from sickbay & 'Revelations'
5423 words - 10.8 OF Standard Post Measure

Finn bustled down the corridor of officers' quarters. Her shift was over in engineering and the high priority investigations had been completed, but that didn't mean she wasn't still nose deep in data. Sure she physically left engineering every day, but more often than not, her work went with her.

She turned the corner headed towards her quarters, not paying a lick of attention to any of her surroundings. A bear could've appeared and Finn's eyes would have remained focused on the padd she held in her hand. Fortunately, there were no bears in the hall, but her attention was diverted nonetheless as she toppled into a fellow crewmate.

Oblivious to the approaching footsteps, Savin had been finding his way home after being released from sickbay. He still felt very rattled about the experience, despite having been cleared by the chief medical officer. Physically, he was fine, but somehow he knew that from now on, he'd definitely be leaving a light on at night.

He'd been staring at the floor, deep in thought and totally oblivious to his surrounding, when suddenly he found himself knocked into the bulkhead. Reflexes quicker than he had actually inspected, he caught himself, and grabbed the person who'd knocked him aside firmly by the arm. "Oh.... hello Finnley," he greeted the chief engineer, "in a hurry?"

"Oh no, sorry Commander," Finn said as she regained her composure. "I was reading some engineering data on my padd. I should've been paying more attention. Thanks for the save though." She smiled slightly with a hint of awkwardness. Finn hadn't expected to run into anyone on her way home, especially not the counselor. They hadn't really spoken since that one time Finn had dragged him somewhat unwillingly throughout the ship while hallucinating.

"This would not be the first time then," Savin smiled, "though I suppose the last time you saved me. Sort of..." He gave her a quick once over, still holding a hand out just in case. "Are you alright? I did not peg you for someone who is so...absent minded?"

It was true, Finn wasn't typically the absent minded type, but it had been a long day. Her mind was tired but had tried to hold on to soak in the data from the latest report. She just didn't have enough reserves to both pay attention to the outside world and read while she had been walking at that moment.

"Yea, I'm fine. I guess I just got a little too caught up in this engineering data," Finn half smiled and held up the padd that had captured her full focus earlier. Choosing purposely to keep her response short and sweet. He didn't need to know all of the details. "Sorry by the way. For dragging you through the jefferies tubes all over the ship on our last...adventure." She added, having not found the right time to apologize earlier.

"I was under the impression that a lot of people suffered from illusions that resembled their worst fears," Savin answered quietly, "I do not believe you have anything to apologize for, even if at the time I was less than amused. I have to believe that you did what you did with the best of intentions, namely saving our lives."

"I suppose so," she responded with a shrug. It may have been accurate, but it didn't keep her from feeling guilty. Like she should have been able to keep the illusions at bay. Even if it was an impossible task, it still felt like it was her fault.

"Anyway," she swiftly changed topics, not particularly wanting to go deeper on the subject. "I assume you're headed back to your quarters? I'd ask you if you found anything interesting on the outpost, but I don't want to keep you."

"You are welcome to walk with me, I could use the company," he invited her, "I am not certain we found anything...we were trapped and forced to shoot ourselves out into space." He shuddered at the memory. Being trapped inside a box, in darkness, it resembled my nightmare. No sound I am used to, but utter darkness and unable to sense anything because of the circumstance, it was frightening. It left me disoriented and afraid." He paused. "How was your day?"

Finn cocked a curious eyebrow. "Uhm, I'm sorry, but you can't say 'we were trapped and forced to shoot ourselves into space' and then just casually ask how my day was." She stepped to walk with him. Normally, she'd have avoided the counselor at all costs, but his story was too intriguing to pass up. "I can guarantee you that my day paled in comparison to yours. So what exactly happened?"

Savin drew in a deep breath and held it for a moment as if to gather courage, staring at the PADD he had pulled out for easier conversation. It would render her words to text, making him rely on her to not walk into anyone or anything. "We were looking for hidden cargo and thought we found something. Then as we entered a room, the door closed behind us and we were trapped. The only way to get out was blow a hole in the hull. We found cargo crates and we locked ourselves inside."

He paused a moment as if to center himself and his still frayed and rattles nerves. "The captain overloaded our phasers before we were locked in. The overload caused us to be blown into space...." He paled at the memory. "It was so dark.... I do not do well in complete darkness, I felt senseless..."

"Wow, that sounds horrific. How are you not in sickbay?" Finn asked, knowing that even a very short exposure to space could cause some serious damage.

"I was released. Physically, I am fine. Psychology.... utterly rattled. I did lose consciousness, but I am otherwise unharmed. The captain was fine too, but lieutenant Zh'kyhrirh did not fare so well. She is recovering in sickbay." He turned his head to look at her. "I find myself dreading falling asleep."

"Whys that? I can't imagine how difficult it would be to feel senseless, but you aren't really senseless when you fall asleep. Or are you afraid that you'll dream about it?" Finn asked, wondering if she had asked too much. She'd have hated it if someone asked her questions like that. Then again, she wasn't sure of what else to do in this situation either.

"Because I will need to keep the lights on. Because yes, I will dream of it, it will haunt me." He stopped as they reached his quarters. "I do not like darkness, I need to be able to see or sense what is going on. When fear overwhelms me, I cannot trust my telepathic senses. I rely on them, because I cannot hear."

Finn took a moment to think about the situation before responding. She wasn't really good at comforting others or even talking about emotions for that matter, but she was good at solutions. "You know, I could fix you up with a system that just dims or brightens the lights automatically based on whether you're asleep or awake, but never fully turns off unless you specifically tell them to." Trying to solve someone's problems was her own way of showing them that she cared about them.

"That is an excellent idea," the counselor answered gratefully, gesturing for her to come inside as the door opened, "much like the system I have in place in case of a red alert during the night." He explained how such an alert would trigger a vibration system in his bedroom, which would wake him up since he's never hear such an alert. "How would it register that I am asleep though?"

Finn stepped in and started creating a mental image of what would need to happen. "We'd have to modify a current sensor or add a new one to register your sleep patterns, but that shouldn't be hard. Then tie it into the lighting system and create a program to run it. Honestly, overall, it wouldn't be a very hard task. Maybe a couple hours worth of work total," she shrugged. "It's a small enough job, I could have it done before you went to bed tonight, or anytime really, depending on how quickly you want it."

"Whenever you have time ma'am," the counselor offered politely, "I do not wish to add to your workload if you are busy." He walked up to his replicator. "Would you like some tea?" He then gestured towards the most private area of his quarters. "If you need to make scans, please feel free."

"No, thanks. I'm not a very big tea drinker. I wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee with a splash of mint cream though," Finn smiled and then walked further into Savin's quarters to make a quick scan. The scan took only a minute and upon completion, she walked back out into the main area. "I could get this done now if it's not going to be an intrusion. Or would you rather have some time alone to digest everything that happened and take a break? I can easily do it tomorrow after my shift as well. Whatever is best for you." Personally, she'd have wanted to be alone after something like that, but not everyone dealt with things the same way she did. Besides, she couldn't resist the offer of working on it now since this would be a new and interesting project and those were always exciting.

Savin shook his head as he handed her the requested drink. "Actually, being alone in my circumstance may not be such a good idea. I do not know how long we were out in space, but for me it felt like eternity. I would welcome your company."

Finn nodded and took a sip of the drink he had just handed to her. She closed her eyes for just a quick moment, relishing the warm and comforting beverage before pulling herself back into reality. "I'll need your replicator in a minute if that's ok, but for now, do you mind if I take a seat? There are a few sensor options I want to look at before I replicate anything."

"You may use whatever you require," Savin answered quietly, observing her intently. "You still have not told me how your day was, however. What happened while we were...trapped?"

"My day was fine." Finn took a seat and immediately started scrolling through her padd. She paused for a moment and then looked at Savin, remembering that it was easier for him if he could see the person as they talked. "After we left the outpost we started running through all of the data I collected. We found transponder codes that matched that shuttle in the bay and interestingly enough, codes that seem to match the Cavalier's. It doesn't really make sense though. There's no reason for a Starfleet vessel to have docked with the outpost on multiple occasions." It still bothered her that anyone associated with Starfleet might have something to do with poaching these rare creatures. "Anyway, that's all I know at the moment," she shrugged.

She tilted her head in curiosity and debated a question for a moment before spitting it out. "Can I ask why you need a special padd to translate speech to text?" She had assumed some sort of hearing issue but was never sure. Perhaps it was rude to ask, but Finn was a curious creature. On top of that, she had found that asking others about their lives tended to keep the conversation focus off of her and allowed her to concentrate more on the task at hand.

"Because I am deaf. If I cannot see you because, for example, we are walking beside each other, then I rely on my PADD to translate what you say since you are not a telepath who can directly converse with me in such manner. While on the bridge, I have Jerant to either sign to me, or speak relay telepathically what I need to know. In sessions, I make sure I can see what is said at all times. That is why I do not like darkness, because then in essence, I am senseless. I do rely on what I can sense, but if there is nothing for me to sense, that is very disturbing and frightening to me."

"Oh," Finn said as the pieces started to fall together. "When we were in the jefferies tubes I just thought the illusions had made you both blind and deaf. You're good at hiding it you know. I assumed there was a reason for the special padd, but never fully made the connection." She paused for a moment as she realized in truth, she didn't really know anything about the counselor. "So where are you from anyways?" She asked, curious to learn more as she worked.

He tilted his head in curious amusement as he considered the question. "I was born on Romulus, and raised on Vulcan. I did not know I am Romulan until a little over a year ago, on a prior assignment. I was raised Vulcan, therefor I never had any reason to believe otherwise until I served as an exchange officer on a Romulan vessel for a little while. I was also born without the ability to hear, therefor I learned to rely on telepathy and my skill has developed to compensate for my lack of hearing. What about you? Where are you from?" He considered it a fair question, since she had asked him the same.

Finn completed the research she needed on the padd and sent a message to one of her engineers to beam over an engineering kit. She walked over to the replicator and had it produce the sensor she needed as Savin had answered the question. She kicked herself internally for asking it. The dreaded 'where are you from' question which she didn't always love answering herself. It was a standard 'get to know you' ask and most people had a 'from', but 'from' was a more relative term when you grew up in Starfleet. "I was born in California but raised where ever my parents happened to be stationed. How could you not know you were Romulan?" She wondered aloud as she made her way into the room to install the sensor.

"Because my parents never told me? I was raised as Vulcan, and never had any reason to doubt that. My brother is born on Vulcan, but my parents fled Romulus when I was only a few weeks old, apparently." He sighed softly, shaking his head. "A telepathic Romulan is uncommon. Romulan society also does not accept those with a handicap, as they are considered weak. Since I was born deaf, and telepathic, and my parents are telepaths as well, they decided to flee Romulus. They managed to hide themselves all their lives, but with me, a special needs child, their secret was at risk. Or so they told me when I asked directly. Therefor, they fled to Vulcan and were accepted into one of the ancient warrior clans. I was raised as Vulcan, and somehow, it was never discovered. I still do not understand why it was not."

"Oh, wow, that must've been pretty shocking news," she replied as installed the sensor in the room. Finn couldn't even comprehend what it would be like to find out everything you thought you knew wasn't true. She had known exactly who she was since she was born. With a rich history of Starfleet engineers in her family line, there was never much of a question of who she was or even what she was meant to do. "So why Starfleet?" She was curious, without a family history of service, as to what had drawn him in.

"Why not Starfleet?" he countered, glad for his PADD as she wasn't facing him. "My father is a healer, from a young age, I learned to care and as it turned out despite my handicap I was actually very good at listening. I felt that despite it, I would be able to help those that needed it so I went to Starfleet medical and studied psychology. With the help of Jerant, I was able to develop like a normal child and I was able to help him. He is Betazoid, and born telepathic, so he needed someone to help him settle his telepathy. He has helped me get through medical school as my aide, though after graduation we lost track of each other for a while." Savin shrugged. "I am who I am, and yes learning of my true heritage did throw my life upside down for a while but I believe I am finding a balance now. I am Romulan in blood, but Vulcan in training. It does explain certain...traits? My ability to emote, aside from a necessity due to being deaf. I also understand most emotions, where most Vulcans do not." He shrugged again. "I am who I am," he repeated, "and I am at peace with it now."

Finn finished the install and returned to the main room, looking directly at Savin as she entered. "Can I be honest?" She asked point blank before pulling up the main control panel for his quarters and preparing to integrate the new sensor.

"Please," Savin said, "I would not want you to be anything else, when in my presence. I am, after all, a counselor."

"I always thought it was a bit ironic, you being a counselor," it was the truth, but she tried to tread carefully. "With your background. Vulcan or Romulan, neither tend to be very understanding of emotions." Then again, she didn't understand emotions that well either and she was human. Finn started tying the new sensor in with the main controls, trying to stay within view of Savin so it was easier for him to see what she was saying. "Do you ever find it difficult? Finding a balance between Vulcan training and dealing with other people's emotions all the time?" For someone who didn't always like answering questions, Finn was certainly relentless in asking them when she was intrigued by someone.

"Except I do understand most of them," Savin smiled, "because I grew up with a necessity for them. Sign language can be very expressive, and I grew up learning it. It is second nature to me and often I am unaware of doing it. Yes it is sometimes difficult, especially since learning my true heritage. I am still learning to find a new balance." He paused, sipping his tea, obviously not bothered by the interrogation. "I find that my unique situation is well served in trying to help others. I learn in doing so and that helps me with any next case. Each person is unique and I try to accommodate their needs. I do not enforce the use of my office, instead I go where the patient feels more at ease, and that can be anywhere on the ship "

"Huh," is all Finn replied with as she bit her bottom lip and furrowed a brow in concentration on the project at hand. She processed his answers as she worked through tying the systems together. Savin was fascinating. His life story and uninhibited openness to talk about whatever she asked were unlike anything she'd ever experienced in talking to someone before. Finn had always viewed being that open and unguarded as a weakness. A vulnerability to be exploited. Yet when Savin talked, it didn't entirely seem that way. She quickly pushed those thoughts from her mind as she tested the lights that were now integrated with the sensor.

The other room dimmed and became bright as she ran through a sequence, ensuring that the lights properly followed the functions that she input. "Okay, now I just have to program it," Finn said as she continued to type away on the padd.

This time he got up and approached her to see what she was doing. "How will it register that I am awake or asleep?" He asked curiously, will it also engage the lights in case of an emergency?"

"Oh, here," Finn shifted the padd so that he could see what she was doing. One thing she actually loved to do was to mentor others and show them the interworking of things. It was something her father had done for her and a gift she enjoyed sharing. "So right now I've just got the bare coding in place, we'll have to incorporate a med file with your sleep pattern to make it more effective. If you've ever slept in sickbay even for just a short period of time, we should be able to get that data. Anyway, so there are specific calls," she pointed to various points in the code. "There's one for normal operations, when your eyes are shut, when you're actually asleep, and then various levels as you wake up. We'll set the actual lighting levels to your comfort once I'm done putting all of the code in place. There there's an additional call in the code for alerts. Give me about five more minutes and I'll have all of the code in place, then we can step through everything and set the levels and parameters you want for each instance. Does that seem good to you?" She asked for his feedback hoping that what she had put together would be a sufficient solution to the problem that he had.

Most of what she explained was beyond his level of understanding of engineering. "I have slept in sickbay yes, but would it not be more efficient to monitor my sleep cycle here?" He pointed to his bed. "I do usually entertain a regular resting pattern, barring emergencies and multi day away missions." He cast there a questioning look which was evident to his level of understanding. "As long as it works, that is good enough for me. It is more than I gave now..." He gestured to the small light next to the bed, on the night stand.

"Oh, it will monitor your sleep pattern here. That's what the sensor is for. But we'll need a file initially to start, then the system will learn and get even better over time as it monitors you. Without a file to start with, even though it's monitoring you, the system doesn't necessarily know what your readings typically look like asleep versus awake. Though it can extrapolate and make assumptions, it'll be more accurate to start if we have some base data we can throw at it. Does that make sense?" She raised an eyebrow as she had spoken to Savin, hoping that her explanation was clear enough.

The Romulan nodded slowly. "Some...." He admitted. "Thank you. Would you like some more coffee?" He gestured to her abandoned cup on the table. "You can access my medical file to get the readings you need," he added as if on afterthought.

"Sure," she replied as the cup was mostly empty. Finn then sat back down to finish the code she had been working on. Tying off loose ends and putting loops in the right place. Making sure that there were no gaps or errors within the code. She took a small pause as Savin brought a newly filled cup of coffee. She could feel her mind becoming more tired as the day had dragged on, yet it was nothing that the caffeine couldn't fix.

"My turn to ask a question..." Savin sat down as well, watching her closely. "What made you go into engineering? You seem extremely passionate about what you do."

Finn tensed up slightly as Savin spoke, but felt somewhat relieved with the question he chose to ask. At least this one was an easy answer. "Honestly, I feel like it might even be genetic," she chuckled. "My dad is an engineer, my grandparents were engineers, my grandmother's father was an engineer...it goes back quite a ways. From a very young age, pretty much as far back as I can remember, I've been helping my dad with engineering projects. I always loved creating things and fixing things." She shrugged. She was proud of her heritage, but it didn't come without its downsides either. Every engineer in her family history excelled at what they did and had glowing careers. She constantly felt a weight on her shoulders to live up to family expectations and overperform.

Once the code was in place, Finn grabbed a medical file and siphoned out the appropriate data. She set up flags to dictate certain stages and corresponding light levels. "I think we're just about there," she said, trying to steer the conversation back towards the project at hand.

The tense up was hard to miss, and the shift back to Counselor was easy. "You seem uncomfortable with questions," he noted, "why is that?" He could sense the pride in her work, but he also sensed something else. A sense of dread maybe?

Shit, is it that obvious? She wondered as she internally panicked, trying to come up with an appropriate deflection. Why didn't she like questions? Because she didn't like people prying into her life? No. It was because inside that exterior wall that was built up, she felt. A lot. A sense of intense responsibility to live up to the family name, dread that she'd fail, guilt from past childhood traumas, and a large bucket of self-criticism that made her feel even more guilty if she ever complained about it. All emotions and stories that stayed neatly bottled and corked inside, never to be shared with the outside world. She was uncomfortable with questions because oftentimes they hit on those stories that had been bottled and Finn didn't want to risk opening any bottles.

"I don't know. Because I don't know what someone will ask and I don't always want to answer the questions that people ask. Maybe I'm just a private person." Finn shrugged, feeling it was an honest enough answer without going into detail. She then quickly finished the code and changed the subject, working faster now that the conversation had turned. "Codes done. Shall we?" She stood up and motioned towards the bedroom. "We can go through the settings and set the lighting level to your preference for each parameter."

"Why not simply say so if you do not want to answer?" Savin asked curiously, missing the past part because he failed to grab his PADD as he followed her. "I also sense a great deal of dread and guilt...what are you afraid of?" He walked around her so he could see her face again. "Finnley, what are you afraid of? That people get too close?"

"I'm afraid that I'll never finish this upgraded system for your quarters if I have to keep answering questions," she looked straight at him as she deflected the question, clearly starting to get frustrated. For her, he had stepped too far, so she drew the line and wouldn't go further. Not that she had any real right to complain after she had just interrogated him for his life story, but she'd have respected any deflections if he had thrown them her way.

"Interestingly, you seem to be able to work when asking them," the counselor countered pleasantly, feeling her frustration wash over him. "Are you afraid that people get too close to you? Why is that?" It was a big assumption on his part but he hadn't failed to notice that she hasn't answered his questions.

"It's easier to work while listening than talking," Finn replied simply, wishing against everything that she'd hadn't signed herself up to put in this system. "Look, can we just finish this setup?" She asked bluntly, refusing to go further in conversation. She'd leave him with the default settings and walk out if she had to.

"Asking questions is as much talking as answering them is," Savin remarked quietly, "and it is not exactly fair that you get to ask me all kinds of personal questions when you will not answer mine. I remind you that anything you tell me will always be considered confidential."

"But if you had avoided any of my questions I'd have respected your space." Finn sighed. He wasn't wrong with what he said, but that didn't mean she liked it or that she wanted to talk. Then again, she wasn't sure there was any way fully out of the situation she now found herself stuck in. "Fine, how about a compromise. I will answer one question, and then we finish this setup. Deal?"

"Why are you afraid of answering personal questions, has something happened that you are afraid to talk about?" He asked, after nodding in agreement. That was a fair deal.

"First of all, technically that's two questions," Finn smirked, feeling at least slightly more comfortable knowing that there was a compromise in place and that they could move on after this. "I don't mind answering basic personal questions, like where are you from, why engineering, those sorts of questions. I don't like answering more personal questions because quite honestly I don't like sharing those experiences and sometimes talking about them makes me feel like I'm whining about it. I hate whining about anything. They're my experiences to deal with however I see fit. Satisfied?" She asked, thinking that was enough detail to move on to completing the actual task at hand.

"No," Savin answered honestly, "you are talking to a counselor, nothing you speak of with me will ever be considered whining. However, I cannot force you to talk to me, as long as you remember that I am available should you change your mind."

"You may not consider it whining, but I feel like I'm whining. Anyway, let's get this setup completed." Finn pushed the conversation forward, eager to remove the topic from herself. "I'm going to start dimming the lights, you tell me when it's at the level you want it to be at while you're asleep, ok?"

Savin nodded telling her exactly when the light was low enough for him to see and still not be bothersome if he needed sleep. He didn't need to see a great deal of details, as long as it wasn't dark .

Finn went through each parameter with him, setting specific lighting levels for each. The silence in between was slightly awkward, but she didn't care. Anything was better than having to answer personal questions. "I think that's it," she said as they set the final piece. "Let's give it a test run." Finn then input some mocked up data into the sensors and the lights responded, running through each parameter and adjusting the lighting level appropriately for each. "What do you think?"

"That looks good," Savin said. He hadn't said much as she worked on the last setting to avoid upsetting her, "I suppose we shall put it to the test tonight though obviously I will not know if it works while I sleep. Someone will have to monitor that for a few days."

"I'll add a monitor and have it ping me if anything fails during the night. You always have your lamp as a backup too. I didn't mess with any of the wiring there," Finn gestured toward the lamp. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, not to my knowledge. I was not even aware I needed anything until we started talking." Again, he cast her a grateful smile and, had he been Human he probably would've hugged her in similar gratitude. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Finn gave a soft smile and headed for the door. Before exiting she stopped and paused, debating for a moment if she wanted to just leave things the way they were or if she wanted to smooth things over even just a little bit. Having made her choice, Finn sighed and turned to face Savin. "To answer a previous question, no, I'm not afraid of people getting too close. I also just don't let people in quickly. It takes time, and usually alcohol." She smirked with the last of her statement before turning and walking through the door.

Savin watched her go, slowly shaking his head before returning to the bedroom. What he really needed now was some rest, even if he direly wanted to not be alone right now.