Distressing

Posted on Tue Jul 8th, 2025 @ 3:45am by Ensign Noub Odee & Lieutenant Ame Solis M.D.

Mission: Character Development
Location: USS Athena - Odee's Quarters
Timeline: Pandora's Box MD6
1805 words - 3.6 OF Standard Post Measure

It had taken some persuasion for Ame to step away from sickbay. She looked dishevelled, and she felt even worse. The front of her jacket hung open, and her hair had been scraped back into pinned twists to keep it out of her face. The bobby pins irritated her scalp, but she resisted the urge to pry them loose in the middle of the corridor. There would be a formal investigation to follow, and she knew the weight of it would fall largely on her. The ache in her chest was a constant reminder of that.

In her hand, she clutched a small, neatly tied fabric bag containing incense and a plinth to hold it. She wasn’t sure if Noub would appreciate the gesture, but it felt important to bring something. Ame paused outside the door, staring at it as if gathering her resolve. None of them were alone, not truly, and she hoped her presence, even if uninvited, might offer some comfort. If Noub didn’t want company, she would understand, but at least the offer would be there. Taking a measured breath, she touched the panel to chime for entry, remembering that she had warned them she might come by. Whether the message had been received was another matter entirely.

A couple seconds later, the door opened, revealing the dark-haired operations officer. Noub was off duty, dressed in a long sleeve shirt and some lounge pants. Immediately, they could see that something was off. "Doctor," he said, the tone mildly surprised. It was the evening hardly the time for any sort of visit. The message from her earlier popped into mind, and their expression dropped slightly. While the details were left vague, Noub knew that her visit came with news. "You look exhausted. Come, I'll make you some tea."

With Noub’s relaxed demeanour and apparent confusion at her arrival, it dawned on Ame that they had no idea what had happened. “Hi,” she greeted softly, her voice fraying at the edges. “I’m sorry.” Her hand drifted to her hair, catching against the bobby pins as she attempted to rake her fingers through it. She paused, as though lost in thought, before attempting to collect herself. “I thought I sent you a message… maybe I didn’t. It’s been—” She faltered, the words catching in her throat. “It’s been a day,” she finished, her voice barely above a whisper.

Still standing in the doorway, she glanced past Noub as if trying to decide whether she even belonged there. Finally, she stepped inside, her movements deliberate but hesitant. “I don’t think tea is the drink for this, to be honest,” she admitted, letting out a tired, humourless laugh. Spotting a seat, she sank into it with a sigh. Frustration and weariness got the better of her as she reached up to tug the pins free, dropping them beside the small bag she’d brought. With her hair finally loose, she ruffled it, letting out a soft groan of relief as the ache on her scalp began to subside.

Seeing the small bag, any of the professional composure Noub had faded as the door to the quarters shut. The doctor did not look alright at all. Despite her admission, Noub moved to the replicator and asked for two cups of an herbal tea, just in case. "I did get the message," they began, watching the cups materialize. Grabbing them, they took a seat opposite Ame and put the two cups on the small table between them. They paused for a few seconds, feeling that twinge of grief well up in their chest. "Not to be rude or anything... but I was hoping you wouldn't show up, because you being here means the message was..."

Noub found their voice stuck in their throat, and paused to briefly close their eyes. To not hear a call from Iska after the teams returned, and the lack of notification around visiting hours in sickbay, said everything. They were hoping it wasn't true, that the doctor was just busy and the message was a paranoid measure. "He didn't make it, did he?" Noub whispered, breaking the tense silence that gripped the room.

Ame’s composure crumbled alongside Noub’s. She drew her hands down her face, her head shaking softly. “There was nothing I could do,” she whispered, her voice tight with regret. “I tried every angle, every possibility. I promise you, I did.” Her gaze met theirs, earnest and raw, her lips pressing into a faint grimace as the memories of his injuries replayed in her mind. “I understand if you don’t want me here… but I thought if it were me telling you, you’d know. You’d know I did everything I could.”

Her voice broke, and she pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, as though trying to stem the flood of guilt and exhaustion threatening to overtake her. “I just couldn’t save him,” she murmured.

A chilled silence soaked in grief settled between them. Noub watched her composure crumble, tears stinging their own eyes, and quietly moved a box of tissues closer to her. "I know you did," Noub quietly said, wiping their own tears with a hand. Part of the Ops officer wanted to ask what happened, but the way Ame was breaking down hinted that it was probably not something they wanted to know, which meant it was bad. "And I don't blame you at all. I blame the pirates-"

Noub's voice cracked, and they stopped speaking to shut their eyes and keep that sharp knot from crawling up their throat. The raiders killed Iska. The Ensign couldn't get details from the security teams just yet, but it sounded like they managed to take down the raiders that infiltrated the wreckage. It didn't change the fact that the raiders killed Iska, but at least justice was served. "Did... do you think he felt any of it?" they asked timidly.

The doctor shook her head slowly, her thoughts fractured by grief and frustration. She didn’t know who to blame—was it the pirates, the creator of the monstrous weapon, or simply the cruel randomness of the universe? Her jaw tightened, and her hands passed over her face again, smearing the damp trails of tears across her cheeks. A quiet sniff broke the silence.

“I don’t think so,” she whispered finally. “He would have been unconscious, and by the time he got to sickbay…” Her body shuddered involuntarily, the vivid memory of that desperate, futile fight to save him flashing behind her eyes. Savin with the hypospray, her hands desperately trying to seal wounds that refused to close. Ame swallowed hard. “We made sure he wouldn’t be in pain.”

Her lips pressed together as she gathered the strength to look at Noub again. Slowly, she extended her hand toward them, a small gesture. “He wasn’t alone,” she murmured softly. “He didn’t have to face the end by himself.”

Recognizing an underlying guilt that perhaps something more could have been done to save him, Noub took her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "You did what you could," they murmured. "He enjoyed your company, so I'd like to hope that he was glad you were with him." Noub didn't really understand the whole 'people can sometimes hear you when they're unconscious' thing, but in this particular case they hoped it was true.

Eyes drifting to the fabric bag, they used their free hand to quietly open it, seeing the incense and plinth. Giving her hand a second squeeze, Noub stood and quietly asked the replicator for something to light the incense with before returning, a lighter in hand. Kneeling next to the chair she was sitting in, they set up and lit the incense in an almost ritualistic manner, a small curl of smoke slowly turning into a steady thread that crawled toward the ceiling. Sitting back on their heels, Noub then sighed, fidgeting with the lighter in their hands as they watched the incense slowly burn.

Ame wasn’t honestly sure what more could have been done for Iska, the more she attempted to mend wounds, the more other issues arose. She couldn’t have restarted his heart without a complete circulatory system. “I never know what to believe any more the celestial temples … the great beyond.” Her head shook slowly, she knew the death chant as her Dad had prayer for her mother. “I didn’t know if he believed … but I said it for him just in case. I couldn’t light a Duranja so I thought this might make a good replacement.”

Her eyes settled on the curls of incense as she spoke Bajoran for the first time in many years. “Raka-ja ut shala morala. Ema bo ru kana. Uranak ralanon Iska Rimal. Propeh va nara ehsuk shala-kan vunek.” The universal translator eagerly translated her words for her companion.

Do not let him walk alone. Guide him on his journey. Protect the one named Rimal Iska. Take him into the gates of heaven.

Quietly she repeated the refrain, a sad balm for her soul. Her fingers found her D’ja pagh marked with the emblem of Solis. Part of her wonder if he had one in his belongings, he should have it with him.

Her words were just enough to tip Noub over the edge. The words were simple, poetic, spoken from a place of sorrow and reverence. They tried to repeat at least the translated part, but found the words fizzling out before they left their lips. A sharp pang hit their throat, squeezing their chest. Closing their eyes, they ducked their head as tears began to track down their face, shoulders quietly dancing in somber cadence. Iska's absence was heavy, choking Noub with each soft breath for air. The hope that Iska was still alive dissipated like the incense smoke as it hit the ceiling. The aching gentleness in Ame's voice reminded them that Iska had been loved by the two of them, and that love remained even now.

It was too much. Noub curled forward slightly, a hand pressed against their mouth in a vain attempt to quiet the sobs that slipped through their fingers. Their body betrayed them, between the stuttering breaths and the grief rolling through him in waves. "I invited him to movie night once he got back..." they choked out, a tremble making the words stumble over themselves.

The two of them sat in silence for some time, and it wasn't until the incense burned out that Ame left Noub's quarters. The Ops officer watched her leave, then looked around the quarters. Their emotions felt dry in their throat. What was Noub meant to do now?