Of Frogs and Wolves

Posted on Tue Oct 29th, 2024 @ 7:34pm by Lieutenant Xavier Leiko & Jerant van Rijn

Mission: Character Development
Timeline: Post Q
1242 words - 2.5 OF Standard Post Measure

"Hey..." Jerant approached his friend, having waited for him to emerge. "Did you enjoy Zora's party? Unfortunately I couldn't make it...rather, something weird happened before I even got to the transporter room." He paused, not quite sure how to bring it up while at the same time hoping Xavier would just read his train of thoughts. "I hear mixed things about people's adventures, some were horrendous, some were fun."

The Betazoid paused again. "I'd like to hear about yours...want to come and get something to eat? We can use the holodeck or uh..my quarters?" He didn't really want to visit the mess, craving some 'alone time'.

Xavier jumped at the sudden appearance of Jerant. "Whoa, where the hell did you come from?" Xavier asked as he held his hand over his racing heart. He eyed Jerant carefully, "you're rambling, what's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice. He could read the Betazoid's mind but he was keeping his own mind as closed as he could right now, opening that link would only lead to more awkward questions that he didn't know how to answer.

"Nothing is wrong," Jerant answered, wondering why Xavier closed his mind to him. He wouldn't ask however, deciding to respect the other's clear desire for privacy. "Not for me anyway, but you nearly had a heart attack, where did that come from? Surely you sensed my presence, since I've been here waiting for you for several minutes?" Now it was his turn to show concern. "I want to hear about your Q adventure, did you get anything fun or adventurous?" He slipped his hand into Xavier's, gently pulling him along.

"Where are we going?" Xavier asked as he allowed himself to be pulled away. He purposely avoided the questions thrown at him by Jerant. He had never met someone who asked as many questions as Jerant in such a quick succession, it was overwhelming at times and he didn't always know which ones to answer first.

"That depends on what you prefer, my quarters or the holodeck," Jerant smiled, though he started towards the holodeck regardless. "Unless you want to go elsewhere..." He shrugged. "It's not like you to be startled as you were...what's going on, your telepathy still acting up?"

"Just distracted with work," Xavier lied. If he told Jerant that he had closed his mind to him, then Jerant would want to know why and Xavier didn't feel like explaining that right now. "It's good to practise shutting people out now and again, it works the muscle, y'know." He smiled. "I'm guessing we're going to the holodeck since your quarters are the other way?"

Jerant simply nodded, wondering if Xavier realised that as a telepath and having grown up with a hearing impaired person, as well as his profession as a linguist, he was adept at seeing through a lie. "Work, or whatever Q put you through," he decided to ask directly, "because you still haven't answered my question. And you're not letting me in, so questions it is. And you know you can trust me, if something bugs you it's not like I would tell anyone. But I am your friend, more than a friend and I want to help if something is amiss."

"It's kinda hard to know which question to answer first when you ask me three or four at one time," Xavier said, more abruptly than he intended. He sighed. "My experience with Q was no big deal," he said truthfully. "More annoying than traumatic, I know not everyone got off so lightly."

They stopped at the holodeck doors and Jerant turned to face him, reaching out to touch the other's cheek. "You know I love you," he added, "and I know something is wrong. You're distant and closed, where before you begged me to let you in. I respect your privacy Xav, but you need to let me in too." He gestured towards the controls. "You choose a program, I don't care what it is so long as we're together."

Xavier's eyes widened in surprise. "I don't know you love me 'cause you have never told me that before." He had been so used to closing Jerant out of his mind recently that this floored him; he hadn't seen it coming. The truth of the matter was he didn't know how he felt about their relationship, he thought they were having some fun, keeping things casual; this changed everything. He took a step backwards. "We've been through so much together but it's all so intense."

"What is intense?" Jerant felt frustrated as he was very certain he had told Xav about his feelings. And even if he hadn't, surely his actions had been obvious enough? "Yes we've been through much," he added, "but that really only resolved my feelings for you. I wouldn't be here otherwise." As Xav had taken a step backwards, Jerant now closed the distance, taking the other Betazoid's hand within his. "And I know you're struggling with something even though I don't know what it is. I wish you'd let me in, so I can help."

Shifting, Jerant leaned in, finally giving in to a long time yearning, and kissed the man he loved. He made no attempt at mental contact, wanting the man to offer it himself, wanting to earn that trust. At the same time, his own mind was open, his mental guards down to show he was earnest.

Xavier placed his hand on Jerant's chest and gently, but firmly, pushed him away. The two separated and he hung his head as emotions clouded his thoughts. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, head down, focusing on the floor. "I'm not there yet, I don't know if I ever will be."

Instantly, Jerant took another step back as he found himself being pushed away. It was gentle, but the gesture hurt, deeply and visibly. The Betazoid's unusually deep blue coloured eyes turned obsidian as he closed his mind to the other, to all but the mix of disappointment, hurt and even anger he felt coming to the surface. "Seems to me you don't trust me after all we've been through together, after all the times I've been there for you," he said, his voice eerily calm despite his feelings, "in that case Xav .. you figure out what you want, and when you're ready we'll see where we are. You know my feelings now, I've laid them bare for you even though you were blind to them before."

His words were intentionally harsh as he glared at the man. "I'm going home, the holodeck is yours." Jerant didn't wait for a reaction as he turned on his heels and started to walk away.

Xavier watched as Jerant left, a mix of emotions swirling inside of him. It pained him to see that he hurt his fellow Betazoid. Jerant had been right about one thing, they had been through a lot together and their bond had grown from that trauma. But what happened when the trauma was gone and one started to heal. Xavier couldn't promise he was there yet but he did know that whatever journey he was on right now did not include Jerant. That thought made him sad but at least he wasn't stringing anyone along now.

Xavier turned to the holodeck doors, shook his head, and made his way along the corridor in the opposite direction from where Jerant had disappeared.