It Started with a Prick

Posted on Sat Sep 28th, 2024 @ 11:13am by Commodore Jacob Kane & Ensign Vivienne Conrad

Mission: Into the Qniverse
Location: ??
Timeline: Following "Once Upon a Dream"
2710 words - 5.4 OF Standard Post Measure

The first adventure had been navigating the spiral staircase without treading on Kane's hemline. A certain degree of common-sense suggested, a tad too late, that Vivienne should have lead the way down the stairs. After all, she was the one with any local knowledge and also the only one not trailing an excess of chiffon in her wake, but it seemed inadvisable to argue with a Commodore wielding a bludgeon and a permanent scowl. After a couple of near misses, Vivienne slowed down her pace, which gave Kane a couple of seconds to appreciate the mediocrity of the dark corridor before she had time to shift alongside him.

"I wasn't overly motivated to explore," she admitted, in a tone that suggested her reasons should be blatantly obvious. "I get the feeling anywhere unlit isn't supposed to matter, I couldn't get any of the torches to budge." Not that she'd tried excessively hard since wandering into the pitch black with only a twig-on-fire to light the way wasn't hugely appealing. "The way outside is that way," Viv gestured.

"I hate the idea of following this path that Q has deliberately laid out for us," Kane responded with a grumble. "However, for now we'll have to stay on our guard for any more of these 'games' of his." Although the self-consciousness about his state of dress had diminished, it hadn't lifted completely. Especially with the obviously deliberate way Conrad wasn't talking about it. After all, he could hardly reprimand her in this state. "Outside - what did you see? Anything other than this structure? Any points of interest or markers?"

Taking a moment to consider, Vivienne stuck her bottom lip out in thought and then slowly shook her head. "The forest was, if I'm being honest, kind of...dull." When that didn't hit the mark, she screwed her nose up and tried again. "Well, not dull so much as empty. A whole bunch of trees but not a bird or tiny woodland critter in sight. Since it was dark, there wasn't much chance of seeing too far into the distance, we might stand a better chance now that the sun is up." Assuming it stayed up. Given how quickly it rose, Vivienne wasn't sure she could easily predict the day-night cycle anymore. "Then there's always the road."

There was a moment's pause as she realised that was probably a reasonably pertinent detail, certainly given Kane's sudden sharp look sideways.

"At least, that's what I assume is leading away from here. You can't really build a castle in the middle of a forest without an access point for deliveries." It sounded so reasonable when spoken out loud and yet Vivienne couldn't help but feel that applying logic at the moment was akin to false hope. She hesitated again and, clearing her throat, thought to ask, "Are you, uh, going to be okay to walk any distance, sir? I can always go look around first if you want."

"I'll deal with it." The statement came out a little sharper than needed, but Kane wasn't entirely of a mood to be polite. Not when he had a mischievous entity to find and strangle. Or clobber with a makeshift club. "You seem to have an idea which way we're going - you can lead the way, Ensign."

The assessment of her capabilities seemed a little exaggerated but Vivienne didn't think it wise to point out. It also probably wasn't the right time to start fretting about her makeshift weapon, which seemed woefully inadequate now that she was poised to encounter any threats first, and so she chose instead to lean into a sense of curiosity. The more Kane spoke about their potential nemesis, the more Conrad was left with an impression that she had been at least introduced to the concept of an exceptionally advanced race with the ability to manipulate reality itself but that had probably been during History classes and she didn't have the best track record with The Humanities. Vivienne could certainly empathise with the potential for extreme boredom if you held the entirety of existence in the palm of your hand, and she could somewhat see the amusement to be had by subjecting Kane to this twisted fairytale, but it was less clear what the trickster expected of her in this scenario. Either she was here for a specific reason, for which she had been hand-selected, or she was simply where the Wheel of Fate had landed.

Her ego preferred the first option, no matter how much her pragmatic side suspected the latter.

The trek back along darkened hallways wasn't nearly as long as she remembered. Whether this was just because she had a better idea of what to expect now or because of a certain degree of impatience from their director, Vivienne wasn't sure, but nothing eventful happened in any case and she stopped inside the main foyer in a patch of sunlight streaming in from the partially-opened door and took a good look around now that she could actually see. As far as stereotypes went, there were plenty on display, but it was the suit of armor that attracted her attention for no other reason than it held at rest between both hands an ornamental sword. Several experimental tugs dislodged it, and after a split second where it seemed to weigh about as much as a Lurian mother-in-law, she found she could lift it quite easily in one hand. Several experimental swishes resulted in an unwarranted boost in confidence.

"You know how to use that?" Kane asked, watching Conrad swing the sword a few times. Admittedly, he wasn't as versed in sword fighting himself, but there was no reason to assume anyone was. Starfleet's formal self defence training didn't necessarily cover this scenario. Besides, he was better with a phaser than in a brawl.

"Not a clue." Whilst it wasn't necessarily unusual for Vivienne to be brash in the face of extreme rank superiority, there was a degree of confidence to her stance that seemed a lot more comfortable in the presumptive camaraderie, a degree of protectiveness even that circumvented the wiser choice of deferring to Kane's lead. "But it handles better than a barstool so I think I can figure it out."

"I'm just glad to be out of the footwear Q decided to leave me. I'll not push my luck with whatever else it is he wants to confound me with. How far to the exit?" he asked.

It was only then that Conrad realised the Commodore had found his own bounty, in the guise of a pair of sturdy travel boots and a long cloak. She wasn't sure the additions to his attire necessarily improved its appearance but at least she wouldn't have to worry about having to piggyback and a man twice her bulk. "The courtyard's just outside this door, then there's a flight of stairs to the main gate. After that, the best I can tell you is that there's a road."

"Then we head for the road. And after that...whatever else is required to get us out of this cursed place," he declared, not hiding the fact that he was very much ready for this little debacle to be well-and-truly over.

The heavy oak doors cracked and creaked as they parted slowly, opening outward into the elongated courtyard. The entire environment had been overrun by nature; vines creeping up cracked stone surfaces, moss and decay having worn away the stones. Along the perimeter of the courtyard, a half-dozen stone gargoyles lurked as if watching-over the empty path.

"You get that little shiver down the back of your neck too?" he asked, giving Conrad a glance.

"Don't get me wrong," Vivienne started, the trail of a very wary gaze slowly shifting from one set of scrunched up, snarling stone features to the next, "It was unnerving enough in the dark, but either I climbed those stairs with my eyes closed or we're dealing with a bit of a change in atmosphere." The pilot shivered, an exaggerated shudder of her shoulders that gave ample clues about her appreciation for the sudden ambience. Angling her sword up slightly, she surreptitiously waggled it at the last gargoyle, pulling a face that had hopes of being threatening enough to count as a deterrent but with just enough hesitation behind the eyes not to push it too far.

With the unblinking pairs of eyes staring at their retreat, Conrad willed herself to focus on the road ahead and found herself frowning in confusion. Very certainly, the path eventually headed out through the main gateway onto the road she'd initially managed to locate after a brief foray into eco-terrorism, but the wilderness surrounding the castle exuded a foreboding melancholy that she wasn't convinced would have been masked by darkness alone. For a start, nothing was as green as she remembered, having demolished enough of the undergrowth to vouch for its vitality. The general theme of vines seemed to expand exponentially, with every tree festooned with thick specimens damp with lichen and mould. Whereas the night previous had definitely involved a canopy overhead that had made it difficult at times to orient herself, now every tree was sparse and withered, their gnarled roots having already reclaimed a lot of the road by sending cracks spider-webbing across the unsealed surface. Though the initial indications from inside the castle had seemed characteristic of the first rays of a bright and sunny day, the weather now was overcast as far as the eye could see, with the most ominous clouds gathered around a distant peak located directly ahead as the crow flew. Vivienne wasn't sure, but every now and then, she caught a whiff on the breeze that smelt optimistically of barbeque.

She was pretty sure it wasn't.

"Nice place." The woman's usual undertone of sarcasm wilted a little under the strain of extreme irony. Craning her head back around, Vivienne stared up at the castle walls, smothered under the slow reclamation of nature's wrath, and then slowly turned her attention back to their only viable way forward. "Not getting the feeling that this is going to lead to drinks by the beach, though." She risked a glance sideways. "Could we just...ask?" Conrad paused until she had the Commodore's attention. "Isn't that always the plot twist in these things? 'If only you'd asked for help instead of wandering through the creepy forest with your head stuck up your...'"

Vivienne caught herself in time and, perhaps catching sight of something in the Commodore's expression, added an non-functional and somewhat out-of-place, "Sir", for good measure.

"Ugh..." Kane stopped walking for a moment. He was irate with the Ensign's commentary, but moreso with the entire setting the Q had put them in. All of this silly, old-fashioned fairy tale stuff had been a nightmare from the beginning. And they'd escaped the castle, so what was left? "If this is a fairy tale...a story..." he mused cautiously. "Then maybe we need to play it out to the end, right?"

Excellent question, why don't we ask? For once, the thought stayed inside Conrad's head, though it was a little too much to expect traces of it not to leak into her squinted expression. "There does seem to be a general direction we keep being shoved towards," she agreed.

"Well, fairy tales have endings. How does it go? 'They lived happily ever after' or something?" He glanced up at her. "That means, if you're supposedly the heroic rescuer, and I'm the...'damsel'..." his mouth curled in distaste at even uttering it, "Then we need, to...ah..." A pained look grew on his face as he tried to imply the meaning of that train of thought.

I wonder if he's realised how he woke up?

It was an idle thought that nearly caught Vivienne off-guard, enough that the slight startle of her return to reality was unlikely to go unnoticed. She cleared her throat, suddenly overwhelmed by the precariousness of her situation. It wasn't her fault, none of this was, but how much would that deter a senior officer being humiliated on the whim of a bored cosmic entity? Vivienne had given up trying to figure out what this Q creature's motivation was, the only pragmatic way forward was to do as Kane said and allow the narrative to unfold without deviation. As was generally the case, compliance without compelling reason left her agitated, having peppered an entire career so far with evidence that she didn't do well with being told to do something just to prove she could do as she was told. Turning her furrowed glare towards the distance horizon, Conrad let the Commodore's words sink in and then deflated slightly in defeat.

"There'll be a dragon to slay," she pointed out miserably. "Guaranteed. After that..."

Sure was a nice job I had once.

Vivienne tilted her gaze upwards to meet Kane's.

"I grew up on Risa, sir. Discretion is a cultural past-time."

Kane's pained look remained. "Ensign..." he sighed, knowing that he was going to throttle the Q for this. "I order you to propose to me."

It took several seconds for Vivienne to realise her expression was frozen in slack-jawed disbelief. Four years. Four years she'd been at the Academy, taking several steps backwards for every sliver of forward momentum she'd managed to generate. Simultaneously impressing some of her instructors enough that the amount she frustrated kind of balanced out. Not once had those bastards told her how to handle this kind of situation, and there had been a lot of pretty ludicrous hypothetical questions in the mock exams designed to "encourage" creativity and innovation.

Glancing around to make sure the barren landscape didn't have plans to rescue her, Conrad screwed up her face and shifted her mindset to the more familiar realms of pragmatic acceptance. She didn't do embarrassment if she could help it, and since Kane was already fuming enough for both of them, there wasn't a spare inch for the discomfort of guilty pleasure. Squaring her shoulders, the ensign turned to her Commanding Officer, shared a brief moment of solidarity-in-irritation and, in a galaxy's first, followed a direct order without argument.

"Dear beloved," Vivienne started, channeling several semesters of dramatic arts to hazard a guess at the kind of pantomime the situation warranted. "Though fate has cast us in this whimsical play, my heart knows no bounds. In this realm where dreams dance like starlight, I stand before you, ready to awaken your spirit with the warmth of my love."

She paused, glancing upwards, giving the universe time to keep up.

"I have traversed forests of twilight and crossed rivers of shimmering stardust to find you, the jewel of my heart. Your beauty, a beacon in the darkness, calls me to fight against time and destiny itself."

Any time now, Monogram Man.

"I pledge to you my unwavering devotion, to guard you fiercely and cherish you eternally. Together, we shall weave a tapestry of joy, uniting our souls in a bond stronger than the stars above."

The gravel dug into her knee as Vivienne ceremoniously went down on it, driving the tip of the sword into the dirt to help keep her balance. It was occurring to her a tad too late that this might have been a little more than Kane had specifically intended but, frankly, she was done tiptoeing around. If they weren't going to ask Q what he wanted then she was going to make damn sure there was no room left for a retake.

"So I ask you, slumbering beauty, will you take my hand, share my dreams, and embark on this wondrous journey together? Will you be my partner in this grand adventure, now and forever?"

Kane cringed, hiking up the uncomfortable dress, giving an overdramatic sigh - though one that was borne out of genuine frustration - and then he answered: "I do."

In any other circumstance, Vivienne was pretty sure the expression on her face would have warranted a court martial. Given what she'd originally thought this was about, however...

...she was probably still in trouble.