Curiouser and Curiouser

Posted on Sat Aug 31st, 2024 @ 5:38pm by Lieutenant JG Astrja Kyan & Lieutenant Ame Solis M.D.

Mission: Into the Qniverse
Location: Wonderland
Timeline: Following: We are all mad here
2200 words - 4.4 OF Standard Post Measure

The chaotic murmurings of the nonsense of the March Hare and his mousy companion faded as the pair stepped out into the wilderness. The incoherent babble was quickly overshadowed by the sounds and movements of whatever creatures lay beyond the edges of the tall grass. Expected shades of a normal woodland were banished, a patchwork of colour splashed out into the distance, twisted trunks of trees jutted out at every angle. Underbrush rustled with the movement of strange creatures, too small and quick to outline. Eyes glinted through the dappled light of the canopy, they were most certainly being watched, by many things.

There was no beaten path and the woodlands seemed to hum with life, quite literally, as Ame used the tip of her makeshift club to push the brush aside. Part of her oversized pantaloons snagged on bramble thorns that crept out from beneath the shrubbery, she skip-hopped through to make sure she didn’t become fully ensnared. “Be careful.” She warned quietening to pick out what sounded like voices not far ahead.

“...roots have grown too deep, they’re starting to tickle…”

“...sunlight today, rain tomorrow...or was it the other way around?”

A group of large orange flowers speckled with black, petals curled back to expose stamens that sprayed out from the centre. Smaller fluffy golden yellow flowers stood tall from the ground swaying in the breeze, a sound, much like a purr could be heard from nearby.

“Everything is so bright and weird, like a psychedelic experience or something.” Ame was both concerned and curious about the whole situation. Getting out or at least trying to return to everyone else was the best plan possible.

"Pussywillows?" said Astrja curiously. "I believe the effect is supposed to be dreamlike. Following dream logic." She looked around seeking the source of the voices.

“Dream logic? How quaint!” One of the tiger lilies sniffed, her petals fluttering disdainfully. Standing tall with their vibrant orange petals and black speckles the flowers swayed slightly as if adjusting their posture to appear more regal. Their voices were sharp and arrogant, tinged with an air of superiority. “We’re not some common weeds, you know. We are tiger lilies, rulers of this patch.”

Ame couldn’t help but step back as the flowers seemed to talk, the stamen twitching independently with each syllable, “Tiger lilies? Plants that talk?” She looked back to her Andorian companion. “Why does this not surprise me.”

The Bajoran gripped her chair leg checking the ground for any signs of movement, if this wasn’t a delusional joke played by an interdimensional being Science would be overjoyed to study creatures like them.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the White Rabbit,” the tiger lily purred, though there was a hint of doubt in its tone. “Though you don’t seem quite as... frantic as we’ve heard. Are you lost, or have you simply forgotten why you’re in such a hurry? And who might you be?” The flower head leaned forward toward Astrja and tilted to one side seeming to study her.

“Pussywillows?!” another exclaimed, sounding deeply offended. “As if we could be mistaken for such mundane flora! The nerve!”

"Please, Ladies Tiger Lillies," said Astrja with a bow, "can you tell us how to get to the Red King's Castle?"

The tiger lilies straightened their stems, petals flicking with disdain. The tallest of them leaned forward slightly, her voice dripping with condescension. "To the Red King's Castle, you say? And why, pray tell, should we, the Tiger Lilies, concern ourselves with the likes of you? Our roots run deep, our petals reach high—we don’t waste our time on the whims of Wonderland wanderers."

The other lilies nodded, their stamens twitching in synchronized agreement. Ame stepped forward, taking the lead from what the lilies had previously said about who it was she was supposed to be. It was a shot in the dark.

“Don’t you know who I am! You’re making me late. What would the Red Queen say?” The commitment was lacking, but she picked up the pocket watch dangling at her side and shook it with vigour. Her eyes darted back to the Andorian at her side, no one had figured out her part yet. The Bajoran was certainly none the wiser.

"She is the Herald of the Court," said Astrja, "it would be most unfortunate if she was delayed. The Court might be displeased."

The Tiger Lillies looked to each other and hemmed and hawed. "Well." "We would not wish to offend the Court." "Herald?" "We did not know."

The chief among the Tiger Lillies finally took charge and haughtily pointed. "Go that way and tell the Court that we helped you."

"Watch out for the jub-jub birds," added one.

The Herald of the Court? Ame pulled down her tabard and dropped the watch, letting it return to her side. “I’ll be sure to tell the King of your assistance.” Her eyes narrowed at the sentient hive-minded flowers before cautiously looking out in the direction that had been gestured. She leaned in toward her colleague. “What do you think a jub-jub bird is?” She hushed.

Part of her imagined huge birds with talons and serrated beaks but given the ridiculous nature of this forsaken place, there could be cute and hundreds of them forming a mob; much like tribbles.

"I imagine it is a bird whose cry is jub-jub," Astrja whispered back. "But given the oddness of this place, who knows? But the flowers seemed worried about them, so we should be careful."

She continued forward and then, paused. Her antennae swiveling. "Listen," she said and pointed. "That way, getting closer, jub-jub."

It was a logical answer, the Bajoran paused, her new oversized ears moved with a twitch in the direction of the muddled overlapping calls. “If they warned us about them … why are we moving closer?” Ame bent her knees to use the cover of the brush to hide from whatever these birds were. Could Starfleet logic be applied here?

"They are getting closer," said Astrja, locating a hiding place, just in time. A large and ungainly bird, more ostrich than anything else, came bounding along making a jub-jub call as it did so. Its large legs were tipped with vicious claws and its beak was long and hooked, designed for tearing of somthing, probably flesh.

The jub-jub bird stopped and looked arround. "Jub-jub?" it said.

Astrja gestured with the club for Ame to keep down and then gently tossed the club so that it landed in front of the jub-jub bird. It bent down to snap at the chair leg. As it did so, Astraja broke cover and ran forward bringing the teapot down with an overhead blow. It made a totally unexpected "bongs!" sound as it hit the jub-jub bird on the head, staggering it.

"Run!" Astrja shouted.

As soon as the Andorian mentioned they were getting closer, Ame tucked in and gripped her chair leg readying to swing. The rustling got louder and she held her breath, what the … she thought doing her best not to make a sound. The thump of the chair leg hitting the floor and then the shattering of ceramic over its head happened so quickly that it took the Doctor a moment to realise that Astrja was telling her to run.

She pushed off staggering herself over the roots of the brush and used the end of the club to keep herself up and not hit the floor. “Which way!” She called to her colleague trying to keep up. Perhaps it would be a good time to think about introducing cardio into her routine.

"This way!" shouted the Andorian, pausing to make sure that Ame caught sight of her. "I see a clearing ahead." She then ran on.

Astrja hit the edge of the clearing and stopped. In front of and above her was a massive mushroom. Astrja grabbed the edge and pulled herself up enough to see that upon the mushroom sat a more than human-sized blue caterpillar, its arms crossed, calmly smoking from a hookah. Astrja looked at the stage being but it took no notice of her or anything else for that matter.

Asraja looked at the caterpillar for some moments while Ame caught up with her. Then the catepillar finally deigned to notice them. "Who are you?"

Astrja blinked. "I feel I hardly know, sir. I knew when I got up this morning but now I am not so sure. It has been a trying day filled with odd things you see."

"I don't see," replied the caterpillar dryly.

The Bajoran followed as closely as she could, her oversized trousers getting more tattered as they made their way out into the clearing. Ame staggered over grazing down onto her knees, scrambling back up to her feet as quickly as she hit the grass. It was the plumes of smoke and the sounds of conversation that forced her to see who it was Astrja was talking to.

“You tell us who you are first.” The Doctor interrupted the giant caterpillar as she far from elegantly clambered to join the Andorian atop the mushroom cap.

“Why?” said the Caterpillar, yet more questions and it seemed most unpleasant compared to the more conversationally challenged creatures they had met before.

“We don’t have time for this …” Ame hushed to her colleague and turned to look for a better path out past the brush, toward the deeper darker treeline.

The Caterpillar blew out a long plume of smoke at Ame. "Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so," it said.

"That does not make any sense," said Astrja.

"Who are you?" asked the Caterpillar again.

"I think you should let us know who you are, you have already been asked," said Astrja.

"Why?"

Astrja's antennae bent in frustration. "Enough! Let's go, we are not getting anywhere here." She turned to look for a way down or forward.

“Come back!” The caterpillar raised its voice as the pair turned away, “I’ve something important to say!”

Ame paused, kneeling at the edge of the mushroom, ready to slide back down to the ground. Reluctantly she got back to her feet and glanced back at Astrja.

“Keep your temper.” It added with an endless pause.

The Bajoran did her best not to roll her eyes and clench her fists, one hand still clutching her makeshift club. “Is that all?” She managed to answer firmly, without the frustration steadily building in this ridiculous place.

“No.” Its short responses only feed the Doctor’s annoyance. Lifting her chin to the canopy of trees and pinching the ridged bridge of her nose. The silence rang out through the clearing, only the puff of the caterpillar with its hookah before it unfolded its arms, “So you think you’ve changed, do you?”

"I have not, not much, besides this wonderful dress," said Astrja spreading out the skirt. "But my companion now has the most amazing ears."

Involuntarily, the Bajoran’s elongated ears twitched in dissatisfaction. “Hmm, let's hope they don’t stick. This wasn’t the personal growth I envisioned when I transferred and became a department head.” Ame watched a further plume of smoke puffed out from the oversized caterpillar, covering her mouth with her arm as she coughed.

“Well, we really must be going. We’re already very late. Thank you for your most valued input.” She had turned away and started to support herself with the chair leg to shimmy her way back to the ground.

The Caterpillar watched Ame's retreat with a languid interest, its smoke swirling lazily around its head. "Late, are you?" it mused, almost to itself. "Funny thing, time... it bends and stretches here, like everything else. You might think you're late, but perhaps you're exactly where you need to be. Or maybe not."

“Unless you know where to find the Red King, I’m not where I need to be, directions are very much welcomed.” The Doctor dangled her legs from the side of the mushroom, only her ears visible.

"Try the castle," said the Caterpillar.

"Thank you, sir," said Astrja with a curtsey. "Which way is it?"

The Caterpillar blew out a line of smoke. "That way."

"Thank you again," she said. "Wait up, I have a direction."

The Caterpillar turned back to its hookah entirely unconcerned.

Maybe lifting should have also been included in Ame’s new routine. Ungracefully the strength in her arms waned and she dropped to the floor, peering up at the Andorian who shouted after her. “Well that wasn’t entirely fruitless was it.” A half smile appeared, the most she could manage given the situation.

“Find the castle, find the king … how hard can it be?” She was tempting fate for sure, but really how much worse could it get? The Bajoran offered a hand to her colleague, propping up the club to help her down so she could lead on and make their way to whatever might be in store.

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Astrja as they made their way, hopeful, toward the castle.