Breaking Barriers

Posted on Mon Jan 23rd, 2023 @ 12:38pm by Lieutenant Commander Finnley Keating VII

Mission: Character Development
Location: Earth
Timeline: Day 10 of Shore Leave, after 'A Long Night'
1064 words - 2.1 OF Standard Post Measure

“I suppose I’m partially responsible for this,” Quinn uncomfortably fidgeted from atop a rock, breaking the thick silence that had fallen between himself and Finn as they rested. They had been running for what felt like forever, long enough at least for any barriers to have been torn down, simply because there was no strength left to uphold them. Physically or mentally.

“What do you mean?” Finn asked.

“You. Running away from problems,” he answered honestly.

“I’m not running away from anything.”

“Aren’t you?” Quinn’s response was immediate. “You ran away from the Midway after Cameron. You ran from the Athena after whatever happened. You ran away from me when I heard you were leaving Starfleet.” He let his words sink in for a moment before continuing. “I can’t really blame you. We moved ship to ship often enough that you never had to stick around and deal with your problems long-term.”

Suddenly Finn felt sick. All this time she had thought she was loyal, a fighter, willing to take on any challenge, but she realized that, in a sense, he was right. Sure each of those instances held a tragedy, but was she more of a coward for running every time instead of facing the music? The thought tugged at Finn’s memory strings and made her chuckle slightly. “You sound like Captain Kane. He gave me a whole line about loyalty before rejecting my resignation.”

“Must be a good Captain,” Quinn winked with a quick smile.

“He is,” she said simply before the air between them fell silent again.

Finn quietly searched for the words to say next. Meanwhile, Quinn just enjoyed the crisp air and the sun setting across the horizon with his daughter sitting close by. He had just opened his canteen when Finn piped up again.

“How do you stay? When you’re so ashamed of what you’ve done?” She tread cautiously, with a slight quiver in her voice.

“What are you so ashamed of?”

Finn heaved a heavy sigh before beginning her tale. The sun had set by the time she finished telling him everything. Each excruciating detail about Silnan’s torture which still haunted her dreams, the clone, and how it had sabotaged the ship and almost killed one of her best friends. She even told him about how she had left Xavier behind on the Avalon and he had almost died then too.

The last word finally escaped Finn’s mouth and Quinn didn’t waste a single second, pulling his daughter into a tight hug. His vision was blurry as water shielded his view. The heartache he felt for her was almost unbearable. Finn sat in a similar condition as water drained from her eyes for the umpteenth time. For someone who rarely cried, she had lost count of how many tears had fallen from her face over the past months.

Moments passed in silence before Quinn let out a deep sigh. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I know it seems like it's all your fault, but it's not.” He touched her chin, pulling it upwards so that he could see her face. “Why did you tell your captors that you didn’t care about your friend?” He asked, relatively certain of what her answer might be.

“I don’t know. Because I didn’t want them to torture me? I caved under pressure?”

“No, tell me the real reason. Not what you tell yourself to feel worse about it.”

Finn hesitated, that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? She wanted to feel worse about it because it should have been her. “Because I thought that if I could convince them that I didn’t care about him they would stop using him as leverage and leave him alone.”

“What would have happened if you acted like it did matter? Would anything have changed?”

“I…I don’t know,” her voice practically pleaded for him to stop. Maybe she wasn’t guilty, but she deserved to feel that way.

“Stop it,” Quinn shook her shoulders. “You do know. You knew it wasn’t your fault when Cameron died on the Midway. Why is this so different?”

“Because Silnan didn’t sign up for this. He wasn’t a Starfleet officer like Cam. If you could’ve seen his eyes. How he begged for mercy,” she shook her head as if to shake the memories from her mind.

“Civilian or not, would anything have changed?” Quinn pressed further. “Answer me. Say it.”

“No,” she sighed. P’rel had tried to get her to see it too, but she has refused. It had taken total exhaustion and an unrelenting push from her father to get her to admit it. “I don’t think anything would have changed,” Finn’s body felt as though a heavy weight had lifted.

“Did you tell them what they wanted to know?” Quinn asked.

“No.”

“So you did your duty,” he raised a hand before she could object. “I know. It wasn’t fair that they tortured your friend and that he died for your secrets, but Finn…” Quinn looked directly into her eyes. “You knew this was part of the job. You knew this was always a risk. We never hid that from you.”

Finn nodded. “But..”

“No,” he stopped her. “You’re allowed to feel bad about it and you will, for a long time, but deep down you have to understand that you did the right thing and you handled it the best you could. It won’t be easy, and it’ll follow you around for the rest of your life, but you can’t change the past. You can only do your best to learn from it and move on.”

Silence ensued until eventually, a small whispering sob cracked through the cool air. “Why does it have to be so hard?” She asked.

Quinn sighed and pulled her in close, wishing he could just take all of her pain away, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Only time would erode at the weight she felt. “Life isn’t fair kiddo. I wish it was. Sometimes the days are long and the nights are so dark you swear you’ll never see the light, but one morning the sun will rise again. I promise you that.”