Being Heard

Posted on Sat Jun 11th, 2022 @ 3:31am by Lieutenant Commander Savin & Lieutenant Alexis Ryan

Mission: Shore Leave
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: After "The Tournament" some time
2906 words - 5.8 OF Standard Post Measure

In many ways, Alexis was a little unusual when it came to her attitude towards mental health facilities, at least for someone with her background. She'd dealt with a distinct lack of them during her formative years and then battled the typical stigma that was prevalent, at least in pockets, throughout the Marine Corps. A general acceptance of the need to address the stress and fallout of direct engagement allowed a begrudging sense of willingness but only up to a certain point and rarely, Alexis had discovered, in any way that extended beyond the specifics of the incident. Talking about deep and far-reaching trauma was not a crowd favourite, or at least it hadn't been amongst her unit. There had been security in that, camaraderie and the potently-false belief that you'd be fine as long as you had each other's backs. Too many cracks had formed that way, and too many good soldiers had succumbed to the persistent darkness that seeped in and slowly suffocated.

Alexis, not for the first time in her life, had refused to buckle unnecessarily.

And so, where others had defined their strength through their silence, she had made the decision to speak. About growing up in a small community, about trying to build her own robots, about Cardassian occupation, about being a child of the resistance and what it meant to be hunted without care or consideration for your age. About three days trapped inside a vent with an injured Cardassian camped out below, shooting pot-shots at you but content to starve you out. About losing your father, and all his friends, and the people who had become your sole protection and never getting a chance to say goodbye. It was all in her service record, she'd never asked for it to be removed. Alexis Ryan, above all things, was a pragmatist. You didn't change the past by denying it.

None of any of this played any part in her reason for stepping into the main Counseling offices to keep the appointment she'd requested earlier that morning. There was a time and place for inserting yourself up the list of priorities but Alex tended to prefer to structure her intrusion where it was possible. PADD in hand, she surveyed the space from the doorway and ran her usual catalogue of observations before presenting herself to the front desk to check-in. From there, she opted to stand, off to the side, her thumb scrolling through several documents she was attempting to work on simultaneously.

"Come in, lieutenant." Since the door was open, Savin had seen the new science chief's approach. "It is refreshing to see someone new making the effort of making an appointment," he smiled as he moved to meet her, "though obviously since we already met on the field, introductions are unnecessary." He gestured towards the comfortable seating area in his office. "How may I be of assistance?"

"Actually, Counselor, I'm here to ask you that question." There was hesitation to Alex's acceptance of a seat, as she took a moment to pull up the tab she intended to reference. Sinking slowly to perch on the edge of the cushion, the Lieutenant read quickly over the flagged attachment to the Counselor's personnel file that had sent off demands for acknowledgement in her own pile of organisational obligations. The state of the department wasn't nearly as bad as Ryan had feared but there were loose ends flapping that bothered her. "It appears that the review of your interpretation and communications support is somewhat overdue. From what I can tell, you haven't been allocated your entitlement from my Linguistics Department since arriving on board."

"I am quite content with the support I have. I have an assigned interpreter who assists me when I have bridge duty and when needed on away missions. The only time I do not require his presence is during my counseling sessions, even though he is bound to the same oaths I am, I the rare event I do need him during a session." He gave her a confused look. "I do not understand what you mean with allocated my entitlement..."

Ryan was equally as confused. "As per the conditions of your appointment, Starfleet has included interpretive services as part of your employment entitlements. It's standard procedure for any officer dealing with auditory impairment, or language barriers that can't be catered for by universal translator protocols. Who is your assigned interpreter?" The Science Chief flicked quickly through the document she was holding. "I'm not finding any record of them on my files."

"I have a PADD which converts spoken word to written in case my aide cannot accompany me. I have adjusted means in my office and quarters to alert me.." he gestured towards the strobe light on his desk. "My assigned interpreter is Jerant van Rijn, a civilian Betazoid hybrid. However recently, he has been unable to assist through our usual means of telepathy. He has been very ill and has been temporarily impaired. At least, we hope it is temporary."

There was a pause as the Lieutenant absorbed the information. One thing that Alexis was starting to understand about the Department she'd inherited was that lacked attention to detail that stopped this kind of administrative function being totally overlooked. With an inward sigh that hid her frustration, Alex inclined her head as a means of acknowledgement and, partially, apology. "None of which is recorded on my end. My apologies, Counselor, I think I'll be spending the next few weeks uncovering exactly what my Department doesn't have officially on file."

"Probably, because Jerant is a civilian and assigned to me specifically, and not officially to the science department? I know he does help out on linguistic matters, but as far as I know he is not officially assigned to science." He nodded towards the steaming pot of tea he always seemed to have ready. "Tea?"

All this time and Alexis still couldn't understand the fascination with tea amongst those who sought to create space for conversation. If given her preference, she always opted for coffee but had learned to tolerate whatever was offered. She inclined her head to accept, and offered a faint smile to accompany an explanation. "You are perfectly within your rights to appoint a preferred candidate, it just should have been documented in my files so that I don't spend the best part of the next week running around trying to find you a crew allocation. Not your fault," she hastened to add. "I'm noticing a common thread in some of the procedural aspects of what has now become my responsibility."

"Oh?" Savin shrugged. "I was not even aware the science department owed me anything. Jerant and I have known each other for the better part of our lives as we grew up together."

"I've been lead to believe there's a lot about the Science Department this crew might not be fully aware of." It had been sold as a tough gig; Alex was starting to piece together why. "It's an administrative error on our end, Counselor, I'll sort it out."

"As you wish, though as I said...I have Jerant, only when he is not available, do I need replacement from your department."

"Well, now you know who to ask." Alexis did her best to keep her tone light, though her smile didn't reach her eyes. Inefficiency, coupled with inaccuracy, that lead to her wasting her time was enough to evoke a tension headache even on the best days.

"Indeed I do." He did notice her smile didn't reach her eyes, but said nothing. "Now back to my original question...is there anything I can do for you?"

With the original intent of her appointment now rendered null and void, Alexis found herself hoodwinked into an extended conversation outside the boundaries she'd accepted as necessary. She might have been more accepting of the need for mental health checks but that had no bearing on whether or not she was prepared to undergo one right now.

"Perhaps a general opinion on the morale of my Department," Ryan conceded after a moment, settling on a topic that carried some usefulness to her. "I've been informed there has been quite a rotation of leadership."

"Of just your department, or in general?" Savin returned the question, "because so far I have seen several department head rotations, the most recent being security, and yourself. But since my assignment here I have also seen a new first officer, chief engineer and chief medical officer arrive."

Ryan's eyebrows lifted a fraction higher. "It sounds more like a systemic issue than isolated issues with scientists being able to curb their impatient for new and shiny." The Lieutenant offered a faintly bemused smile. "Should I be worried?"

"I do not understand why you feel you should be worried," Savin admitted after a moment of thought, "those that left, have done so for various reasons. Some a means of promotion, others...personal reasons. I have no doubt you will find your own place between these people."

The Lieutenant's features twitched but Alexis didn't move to explain what had been a tongue-in-cheek remark. Instead, she redirected her initial statement back to what her original intention had been. "Are there any specific concerns regarding the current Science team's morale?"

"Not that I personally noticed, nor have I been made aware of anything. Then again, I have not had a need to meet with many of them." He paused. "While you are here though.... perhaps you can tell me a little about yourself?"

It was, if Alexis was pushed to be honest, one of her least favourite questions. Not only because it strayed into personal territory and she was hesitant to meander through that minefield with people she barely knew, but because she'd never really figured out where to start. Even a brief summary of her life covered topics that sparked uncomfortable questions. She eased back slowly into the seat, resigned to captivity for at least however long it took to convince the Counselor that she was of sound mind, and offered a thin-lipped, polite smile. "What would you like to know?"

"Whatever you are willing to share with me," Savin offered. "Most just tell me where they grew up, and how they chose their path of profession. Please understand, I will never require you to speak of anything you do not wish to discuss. I will recommend it, but never require it. Additionally, if you do wish to talk, I am willing to go where you feel at ease, we do not need to use my office, just to talk. I can go, where you need me to."

"I have the utmost respect for your profession, Counselor," Ryan assured. "Several of your colleagues have played a significant part in me making it this far. But I don't think you'll find me particularly prone to idle divulgences." It was an honesty she could afford him at the very least. "I don't talk about myself a lot," Alex clarified with a faint smile. "I'm not entirely convinced there's anything interesting to say."

"It does not have to be interesting," Savin answered with an understanding smile, "it will afford me the opportunity to get to know you, and form a reliable basis in the event you might need my services in the future. My preference would be to speak to someone in person, rather than read their file. Interaction will tell me far more about an individual."

Alexis had her doubts that any brief summary of a sequence of events would lead to adequate understanding in the event of a mental health crisis, but she didn't argue. Instead, she mustered a weary resolve and found a balance between excessive exposition and brushing the Counselor off again. "This is my tenth year of active service. Prior to that, I was a marine for two years, which is when this happened." She indicated the slight bleaching of her damaged eye and continued matter-of-factly. "My qualifications are hybrid by nature so most of my postings have been a blurred line between Engineering and Sciences. I write software code," Alex concluded bluntly. "As such, I'm generally more involved with the inner workings of ship systems than the outer workings of the universe."

That didn't really tell him anything about her, but he nodded anyway. "Do you enjoy the work that you do? This vessel does not carry marines, do you think that may become an issue?"

"I'm no longer a marine," Alex pointed out, though the fact that the decision to resign had been made for her did leave some room for theories that she still harboured aspects of the necessary mentality. "And I selected my degree based on lifelong interests so, yes, I would say that I mostly enjoy my work."

"I have heard it said that once you are a marine you always will be one," the counselor answered, "it seems to be a certain mindset? At least, that is what I am told by another former marine here on the ship. It is indeed wise to base studies on your interests. What do you usually do in your free time?"

Ryan considered the Counselor for a moment before throwing him a proverbial bone. "I make costumes and prance around like a fool on the holodeck." If anyone looked least inclined to prance, it was Alexis. "It's possibly for the best that I don't often have a lot of free time."

"Define prancing..." Savin arched a single eyebrow at her, tilting his head ever so slightly as he regarded her. "And define fool...is that not subject to the eye of the beholder? It is of no concern to anyone what you do in your free time, it is your time to spend as you please." He gave her a slight shrug. "I see nothing foolish in desiring to dress up."

Several seconds of resolute deadpan preceded the scientist's eventual response. "I also enjoy sports."

"What kind of sports?" the counselor prompted with genuine interest.

"It depends what's on offer." At this point, Ryan's evasiveness was close to expressing itself as an artform. "I'm at home on a shooting range but give me a squash racquet and I'll be equally as content. Swimming if the facilities permit. Weight training. Boxing." There was the faintest glint to the Lieutenant's gaze, as if throwing out options now to test the waters. "Do hoverbikes count as a sport?"

"It takes effort to control a hoverbike does it not? And does effort in such an instance not require muscle control of some kind?" Savin asked, smiling kindly, "if yes, then it does count. I believe this vessel does have some kind of pool, or at least a public use holodeck program that is run several hours a week. I know of several crewmembers that make use of it on a regular basis. Personally, I prefer the gym, or a dojo... or a baseball field."

"I pitched practises for Starfleet's varsity team during my second year." It was, as far as personal information went, fairly benign yet probably counted as the kind of bonding Zora had hinted at being an expectation. Ryan offered the Romulan a faint smile. "Didn't play an actual match but training helped refine my visual aides at least." Alexis supposed there was some sort of camaraderie to be gleaned from sharing the burden of service with physical impairment, though she didn't really consider her vision issues to be all that limiting. She could see, after all, it was just peripheral on her right side and depth perception that suffered if she didn't wear the correction lens.

"If you do wish to play I am certain something can be arranged..." He didn't miss her reference to her impairment but as she didn't seem particularly put off by it, he chose not to specifically mention it. He assumed that, if it was a psychological burden, she would come to him about it, when she was ready. "A good hand-eye co-ordination is never a wrong thing to develop," was all he mentioned about it. "Or to maintain it," he added as if in afterthought. "Have you any further plans for shore leave?"

"I...no. I saw a little of the place waiting for the ship to arrive, I'm sure there's enough to keep me busy on board though." Alex had more or less decided that the shore leave was simply adequate time to find her footing, despite Zora's insistence that forging connections remain paramount.

"Everyone spends leave their own way," the counselor admitted, "and there is no problem with that as long as one remembers to actually spend some time as leisure. There is a reason we pull into port every so often.... people need to get off ship." He nodded towards her. "Even new arrivals do."

"I've been off-ship for two years," Alex reassured, rising to her feet finally. "And after all that time designing ships, I think I'm more than ready to start seeing them in action again. Thank you for your time, Counselor. I'll send through the documentation to finalise your interpretation preferences and then I won't need to bother you again about it."

"As you wish." The counselor gave a nod of gratitude. "Thank you lieutenant. And, as always, should you have a desire to talk, about anything, my door should always be open."