Tables Turned

Posted on Sun Feb 28th, 2021 @ 4:01pm by Commander Taeler Santu M.D. & Lieutenant Commander Savin

Mission: Character Development
Location: Counselor's Office
1610 words - 3.2 OF Standard Post Measure

"Good morning Taeler," Savin greeted as the first officer came into his office. He was surprised she had actually turned up, but was equally pleased that she had. Though he had signed off on her sanity, he was glad she had showed up for the appointment he had recommended she set up. "Did you enjoy your leave?" It was small talk, something he didn't really grow up with but it was something he learned to do along the way. "Did you go anywhere pleasant?"

"First I hung out on the Starbase for a bit," Santu tried to remember back to everything she did during her time off, "also took Falor and Gunny to the Risa, stretch their legs a bit. Gunny didn't like it, as expected. He's an old grumpy bastard like that." She smiled a bit at herself about that, "what about yourself, counsellor? Did any good leg stretching yourself?" She seemed a lot more at ease and comfortable in her own skin than the last time she had been in this room with Savin.

"I went to a beach with Dessame," Savin started, "but that did not take too long. Dessame told me she was going back to Betazed, and she left me there not long after. I..." He faltered, trying to recompose himself. It wouldn't do to break in front of the first officer, now would it? "I feel as if part of me is missing now... She and I, we were involved, I thought we had a good time, and that we were a good fit. Now that she has left, I do not know what to do."

Santu nodded her head a bit, she knew how that could feel, people that you rely on to be gone suddenly. Whether they were reassigned, or left on their own volition, or killed in action. Sometimes in the vast universe they lived in it didn't really matter, "Sometimes it's okay to have a moment where you don't know what to do," she offered unhelpfully.

"I feel lost," the counselor admitted, "to the point where I experienced a fit of rage. I do not understand why she chose to abandon our relationship, she would not say. I understand why she needs to go home, but I do not understand why it needs to be now. Jerant feels relieved, he was envious of the bond I shared with her, but I feel differently about it. I am not certain how to best explain this... I am... not skilled at discussing my own feelings."

"Perhaps it's a good thing to explore," Santu leaned forward a bit, opening her body language and being inviting to talking about this topic, "it might help you in your role as counsellor." She knew that it would be difficult to talk to a Romulan trained on Vulcan in regards to emotions, she hoped she could get in a bit better by appealing to his intellect and professionalism. "So, tell me, what happened when you lost control of your emotions?"

A Vulcan raised Romulan, who never had full control anyway because of his disability. He briefly looked away, before giving her his attention again. "I threw items at the wall, overturned furniture...sent Sheba hiding in the bedroom because of it. I have never lost control like this before, it feels disconcerting. But I have also never felt like this before, I have never felt this way about someone before. I wish I had been able to make her stay, but that feels very selfish. What would you have done?"

With a small shake of the head Santu had to admit, "I've never felt strongly for anyone before," she sighed a bit, "I couldn't afford to," it was painful to admit this harsh reality of her life. "I can't imagine I'd fare much better though, I mean you've seen me hung over your toilet due to flashbacks." She then smiled a bit awkwardly, "if last week is any indicator I'd have bought a dress or two." She pushed some hair out of her face, "why does it make you feel selfish?"

"Because I want her to stay, with me, when logic dictates I should let her go. She needs to go home to deal with her demons. I feel selfish for wanting to be the one to do that." He offered a thin smile. "I had no issue with you being in my quarters drunk or otherwise. It was necessary, and you needed someone who was there for you at the time. I am grateful to have been able to offer discreet assistance."

"When it comes to these matters I've found that logic has very little to do with it," Santu pointed out, "but speaking of logic, have you considered the fact that maybe you might be too close to be able to help her?" She leaned her elbows on her knees and looked intently at Savin, "I mean, the ethical rules surrounding counselling have been implemented for a reason."

"I mean helping her from the perspective of a partner, rather than a therapist. Surely, there is a difference?" He held her gaze, not used to such intense scrutiny from her.

"Perhaps you're right," Santu hadn't really considered them in the light of their relationship, "look, I don't know anything about your relationship, and I won't pretend to know the absolute truth," she didn't know Dessame all that well either, "sometimes people make decisions based on what they think is best for other people, without consulting them. That's really shitty, but that's how it is. Maybe she didn't want to burden you with fighting her demons with her."

"Or maybe she did not wish to be additionally burdened with mine." Savin sighed, shaking his head. "She knows of the experience I had inside that anomaly, she knows of the fear I experienced. Maybe she does not want that to be added to her own fears." He shrugged, feeling no less miserable. "I just do not know what to do with how I feel. I cannot talk to Jerant, he does not understand."

"Who says you have to do anything?" Santu had experienced a lot of different types of therapy but she was by no means a therapist herself, "perhaps it's just good to allow yourself to feel these things, without any need to have to do anything with it. Go into the holodeck, throw around some more tables, or sit in a meadow and just... breathe." She shook her head again, "I don't have any answers for you, and it's alright if you don't have any answers for yourself right now," she got up from her chair and stepped forward opening her arms, "what I can give you right now is a hug and the promise that you can always come to me to talk."

A hug was a welcome gesture so he nodded despite his general aversion to touch. "I may go to the holodeck," he said, "meditation is not an option, my mind would only wander but I appreciate the suggestion." He stepped into her hug, sighing softly yet again. This was something he hadn't expected from the XO. "Thank you."

For a moment Santu just held him in the hug, just allowing them to experience this sensation in silence. Then she stepped back, looking at the man in front of her, "any time, counsellor."

Savin nodded slowly, watching her, appreciating the fact that she used his title, rather than his new rank. "I needed that," he admitted, "I do not know why, but I did. Is this a Human thing to do? Do Bajorans do this to offer comfort?" He realized now, that he actually knew preciously little about Bajorans.

"It's a humanoid thing to do, since most species gained evolutionary advantages from being social, it releases all sorts of hormones and chemicals in the bloodstream," Santu grabbed him by the shoulders and squeezed to reassure him, "besides sometimes all you need is the reassurance that there's someone to lean on, physically, to reinforce that fact mentally."

That did make sense, especially to his counselor trained mind. "I appreciate the offer to lean on you," he said slowly, not quite sure if that made sense at all, the way he said it. "Do not ever let anyone tell you, that making you first officer was the wrong decision. What you are doing now, helping someone in need, is the true mark of someone in your position. You are strong Taeler, do not let anyone ever make you feel otherwise."

"I don't need other people to tell me that, counsellor, I have plenty of doubts just all on my own," Santu appreciated the sentiment, and did have her doubts from time to time. In general, though she felt she had made the right career choice. There were of course plenty of people and plenty of instances where she hadn't felt so strong, "but it means a lot to hear that, thank you." She didn't want to fully scuttle the compliment.

Savin merely nodded as he took a step back, creating a little more distance between them. "You are welcome," he finally said. "Same time next week?" Obviously he was referring to a follow up appointment.

Santu nodded, "If you need another hug, I'll be back same time next week," she quipped, knowing full well that he didn't mean that. It was easier to ignore the fact that she was there for her, and pretend that she had been there solely for the benefit of the counsellor, "take care of yourself, counsellor."

"I may need another hug," the counselor smiled in confirmation, "until next week commander."