The way things are

Posted on Tue Jan 19th, 2021 @ 5:01pm by Senior Chief Petty Officer Mason Malone & Lieutenant Kevan Dash

Mission: The Shadow of Arachne
Location: Security Office
1629 words - 3.3 OF Standard Post Measure

Mason walked over to the weapon's locker to safely put his phaser away, signing off on returning it and then turning towards his desk. He was looking forward to an evening off with all the craziness that seemed to be happening on board the ship. He really needed a few hours off now, having been on his feet for two shifts in a row now.

"Hey Kev, how was your day?" he asked as he spotted his Trill friend. "As crazy as mine?"

"Oh, you know. Captain gets shot. People go crazy." Kevan grinned. "I don't feel like I've had anything happen to me, though. No idea why, but I'm not being hit with the same nightmares as other people."

Same? Mason looked up. "But you did have nightmares?" He asked curiously. "I don't know what is going on... I heard about the captain and then I heard about the warp cores getting ejected. Feels like the crew is going crazy. Maybe we should just knock everyone out for a few hours."

"Nah, no nightmares at all." Kevan grinned. "I'm immune." He followed it with a shrug. "At least, I think I must be."

"Maybe that Trill physiology of yours," Mason mused, "though I'm Human and I've not noticed anything strange either." He grinned back. "Maybe we're just weird?"

"Could be. Or maybe we're not as messed up as other people." Kevan leaned back in his chair. "Nothing at all happened to you, then? No creepy visions or sensations?"

Mason shook his head. "Nope, nothing." He paused. "Yet," he added slowly. "But then, I don't think I've got any skeletons in the closet, do you? I mean...I don't make a secret of what I'm afraid of and I don't deny who I am, so... I don't have nightmares very often. Do you?"

"Nah. Unless I suddenly see all those ex-girlfriends suddenly walking around the corner all at once." Kevan smirked. "Which is really not likely to happen. So I'm all good, absolutely nothing to worry about..." He frowned as someone vaguely familiar walked into the room. A man he'd seen before somewhere, but didn't feel like he'd ever met. All at once it clicked in his brain as he slowly stood up. "Isn't that...Alexander?" he asked.

Mason turned his head sharply. "Where?" He asked, turning back to Kevan. "I don't see anyone...why would Alex be here anyway..."

"Right there." Kevan motioned. "Wait, am I having one of those...hallucination things?" he frowned as Alexander walked over to them and slid and arm over Mason's shoulder. Almost possessively. "I don't...I don't think I understand."

Though he didn't see Alex, no matter where he looked, Mason had the strangest sensation of being touched. He shivered, as if to shake the feeling -or person?- off. "What are you seeing?" he asked, "tell me what you see. Look Kevan, whatever you're seeing it's not real. Alex has no reason to be here, and we're divorced. He went back to Mars, and took our daughter with him."

"Huh...?" Kevan's head was buzzing. It didn't make a lot of sense, like Mason said, but...there the man was. Standing next to his ex-husband. "Why is he here?" he mumbled. "Are you two...back together..." the words tricked out of his mouth almost involuntarily.

"Definitely not!" The answer came out a hell of a lot fiercer than he intended, but Mason had a point to make. "He decided to go back to Sol, though we hadn't been doing well for a while even before he decided. He was always busy, always preoccupied and he never would tell me why. Trust me Kev, it's better this way." He tilted his head a little, a shiver traveling down his spine, though he really couldn't explain why. "How come you're seeing him, and I'm not? Wouldn't it make more sense that he'd haunt me, instead of you?"

"I don't...know." Kevan blinked, trying to push the images out of his head. The way Alexander's pale skin rubbed up against Mason's arm. Brushed against it affectionately. His heart was racing - stirred by emotions he wasn't even sure he could explain. Beneath the mop of white hair, Alexander just smiled at him. "I'm not sure either..." he mumbled. Alexander held out a small hand, almost motioning for Kevan to join them.

There was something about the way Kevan was behaving that alerted the former marine. Still that eerie feeling wouldn't leave him so he looked back to where Kevan was looking. He still saw nothing but somehow he had that weird feeling they weren't alone. "I don't understand why it bothers you so much," he finally ventured, "we're not back together, and never will be. I'd be lucky to see our daughter from time to time, if we're ever near Earth and not resigned to subspace but honestly Kev, I got nothing to say to him." He shifted a little, hoping that from Kevan's perspective he was moving away from whatever spectre he appeared to be seeing.

"I feel-" Kevan hesitated as he watched Mason move away, the image of the man's ex-husband seemingly following after. "I don't know. I feel like you're going to go back to him. You would, wouldn't you? And your daughter...they're important to you."

"You really think that?" Mason gritted his teeth. "Yeah they're important, but in case you haven't noticed I'm trying to move on. He's only important because we were married quite a few years, and we have a daughter. And she's more important than he, so I have to be nice or he'll keep her away from me." He moved away a little further as something still gave him the shivers. "Did the temperature drop in here, I keep having these chills."

"You have to be nice. O-of course." Kevan shook his head. Why was he feeling so...hurt? It niggled at him; the strange way Alex had appeared like he had seemed suspicious. It was like something was clouding his thought process. Emotion, perhaps. "I guess you should stay with him then. I'll go. I'll...just go."

"If you go, I'm going to. You're not leaving me alone in the same room with a spectre of my ex husband. You have no idea what he's capable of. He can have...quite the temper and he's extremely eccentric." Mason studied his friend, studied him closely. There was something about the way he acted that he couldn't understand. And why was he not seeing his own ex? "Look Kev, I don't want to be with him. How many times have I mentioned him at all in conversations between us?"

"You've mentioned him enough. I know what you think." Kevan sighed. "I can't do this right now, the ship is in the middle of an emergency and I need to focus on my job. You be with him. I'll be alone."

Mason stood abruptly, feeling at a loss for his friend's behaviour. "What do you mean, you'll be alone?" he asked, closing the distance between them. "What am I thinking then? I told you, I don't want to be with him..." Now he stood face to face with the man. "I want to be with you... but..." He faltered, taking a small step back to get out of the man's personal space. "You rejected me, you keep saying you like girls..." Now it was Mason's turn to feel hurt. "I don't want Alex," he repeated firmly.

"I...I like..." Kevan almost choked. He was incredibly confused by this turn of events. "I like...you too..." he admitted softly. He blinked as he looked around at a semi-circle of other officers seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. They were pointing at him and laughing, sniggering and whispering gossip to one another while looking at him. Kevan felt a burning shame inside as he realised they'd all heard him admit his feelings for another man. He looked back at Mason, red-faced. "I have to go. Right now. I'm sorry." He covered his face as he charged for the exit.

Mason looked past Kevan, somehow seeing the laughing officers too. It was strange, where had they come from? "Kev wait!" He ran after the man, pulling him back. "Do you mean that? What you just said?" He pulled the hand back that covered Kevin's eyes, so he could look at him. "Don't listen to them, anyone judging how you feel is just stupid and short sighted. Why should you care how someone thinks about how you feel? Your feelings are only important to yourself, and the subject of your feelings."

"You know why," Kevan sighed. "They're laughing at me. They should be, too - I'm a joke. Falling for another guy? Me?" He shook his head. "They were right about us facing up to our nightmares after all. This isn't how I wanted it to be."

"You're no joke Kev," Mason smiled, reaching up to touch his cheek. "And I find your jealousy a little touching too... but it's very unnecessary. You're all I want, but I can wait until you're ready to admit it to yourself. They're only laughing, because you let them. Because you feel you give them reason to. Trust me, I know how you feel. When i was a teenager, I cared so much about how people thought of me, I denied myself for quite some time. Denied who I am, and that's very destructive."

Kevan wasn't sure how to feel. The mix of the fear and anxiety he felt over the images he was seeing, versus the words coming out of Mason's mouth. He didn't say anything. Instead he just grabbed Mason into a hug and buried his face in the man's shoulder.