Aaras

Posted on Mon Jan 23rd, 2023 @ 12:18am by Lieutenant Xavier Leiko

Mission: Character Development
Location: ???
Timeline: Following "Only Through Reliving Trauma Can You Expect To Heal"
1653 words - 3.3 OF Standard Post Measure

As the scene shifted, there was no sense of disorientation this time, it was as though Xavier knew he was no longer the star of the show, he was an observer only. He recognised the new scene instantly, he was at the base of a cliff face that existed not too far from his maternal grandparent's home on Betazed. As a child, he had climbed that cliff hundreds of times, to the sheer horror of his mother. There was a path that his older brother liked to take, but it was twice as long and nowhere near as fun.

He wasn’t sure what time of day this was, the skies were black and a storm was clearly brewing in the distance, though it felt as though it was getting closer every second. There were two children with him at the base of the cliff, a boy and a girl. Not just any boy, the same one he had seen in his previous two visions. They seemed to be arguing, and Xavier moved closer so that he could hear what they were saying over the high winds.

“Just leave it until the morning,” the boy said.

“I will not!” The girl replied stubbornly. “Do you know how long I have been working on this experiment? If I don’t check the results tonight then I will ruin months of data. I might as well kiss my career goodbye.”

"No one our age worries about their career," the boy jeered.

"I do!"

As Xavier moved closer still he could tell that the pair were related, siblings maybe? There was a familiarity with this interaction, it could easily have been him and his older brother Edan in place of these children.

“Fine,” the boy said, finally giving in. “But I’m climbing you stay here.”

“No! We should take the path.”

“No way. It’ll take way too long. Besides, I’ve climbed these loads, I’ll be up and down in no time. Give me your tricorder.”

The girl hesitated. She was clearly torn between getting what she wanted and not wanting to encourage such reckless behaviour.

"Seriously, hand it over,” the boy said again. “I either go now or we head back. I’m not arguing anymore.”

The girl sighed but gave in and handed over the small device. Xavier watched as the boy ran to the foot of the cliff and started climbing without a moment’s hesitation. The wind was picking up but that didn’t phase the boy in the slightest, he reminded Xavier so much of himself at that age. As the boy got higher Xavier had to strain his eyes to see. The boy was clearly a strong climber and was making good time, faster than Xavier had ever been able to scale the rocks. Then the unthinkable happened, the boy lost his footing and started to fall. Xavier’s heart was in his mouth as he went to move closer to save the child, but he was rooted to the spot by an invisible force. The girl had noticed too and all the colour drained from her face as her hands covered her gaping mouth.

The boy was tenacious though and somehow he managed to find a new hold on the wet and slippery rock and rebalance himself again. Xavier and the girl let out a unison sigh of relief. The boy, clearly happy knowing he wasn’t going to plummet to his death, turned and waved to the girl, clearly he was enjoying this a little too much. There was a loud clap of thunder so loud the ground seemed to shake with anger. That was all it took for the boy to lose his attention and all the tenacity in the universe couldn't save him.

“NOOOO!” Xavier screamed.

The scene melted away and he was once again thrown into darkness.

“You weren’t meant to see that,” his mother said solemnly.

They were back in her office on Betazed. She was sitting at her desk, facing the ceiling-to-floor window so her tiny frame was silhouetted against the bright sky beyond. Xavier stood on the other side of the dark wooden desk, tears streaming down his face. “Did the boy survive?” He asked, knowing the answer.

Edarna shook her head sadly.

“That girl was you wasn’t it?”

She nodded.

There was a moment of silence, Xavier searching for the right words to say. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I do not wish to discuss this, especially with you,” she bit back, sharply.

Xavier recoiled slightly, he had to admit that stung right in the pit of his chest. He would usually fire back with his own retort allowing her to do the same and that was how their relationship had been ever since he could remember, but that didn’t feel right now. He could feel her pain, her anguish, her guilt! “Only through reliving trauma can you expect to heal,” he said sincerely.

She nodded slowly and then turned to face him. “His name was Aaras, he was my twin brother.”

“You’ve never mentioned him,” Xavier said as he sat in one of the hard chairs facing her.

“And now you know why. His death, the accident, it broke me. You say it wasn’t my fault but clearly you weren’t paying attention. It was my fault we were out there and it was my fault he decided to climb that cliff. If I had listened to him…” She trailed off as she started to sob in a way Xavier had never witnessed before. She was always so controlled, so cold, more Vulcan than Betazoid. Xavier let the words hang in the air, giving her time to continue her story.

“You have felt it too haven’t you? The moment someone dies,” she added seeing the confused look on his face.

Xavier nodded. “Chief Daniels, my first mission on the Athena. It was inexplicable. All those raw emotions just switch off in the blink of an eye,” he shuddered.

Edarna smiled sadly, “you never told me that story.”

Xavier hung his head. So much had gone unsaid between the two of them, so many wasted years.

“Well I have too, but losing my twin brother was like nothing I had ever experienced before or since.”

Xavier nodded. He knew that Betazoid twins shared a bond that was unlike anything else this universe had witnessed. The connection between them was as though they had not only shared a womb but shared one mind too. And then to see and feel their death, at such a young age, he couldn’t begin to understand what his mother had been through.

“I assume you noticed the similarities?” She asked, now looking straight at her son.

He raised his head to meet her gaze and nodded. “Yeah, he looked just like me.”

“Oh it’s not just his appearance,” she said. “Everything about the two of you was the same. You were both boisterous children, both wildly independent, both troublemakers.” She smiled sadly again.

“Is that why you were so hard on me?” Xavier asked, his whole life starting to make sense.

She nodded. “You reminded me so much of him when you were younger. Every time I looked at you all I felt was guilt and sorrow. Eventually, that turned into anger. I’ve always known I was harder on you than your brothers, your father could never understand why. But you reminded me so much of Aaras I couldn’t stand it. It was my dark secret, my burden to bear. I’m sorry Xavier,” she said sincerely.

Xavier wanted to say she had nothing to apologise for but didn’t. He felt that would cheapen the apology somehow and if he were being truthful, he needed to hear this, all of this.

"Your memories, the shuttle crash, Chief Daniels, they weren't your fault either, you know that right?" She asked him.

"We don't speak about the shuttle crash Mother," Xavier said, unable to help himself.

She grinned, "there's a lot we don't talk about, but we should. Your dad was so proud of the way you handled yourself that day, the way you saved his life, and so was I," she added. Xavier felt as though she wanted to break eye contact, but she held her gaze and he felt seen for the first time in a long time.

"But it was my fault," Xavier said sadly.

"Maybe? But you learned from that day and grew into the man you are now. I would say that was a good trade, wouldn't you?"

Xavier simply nodded.

“It appears we both had demons to face today,” she said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Xavier scoffed, “I don’t feel any better, I feel just as broken as I did when I first lost my telepathy.”

Edarna looked confused. “Xavier, this is all you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been leading this session for a while now. You’ve been in my head ever since we appeared at the cliff, in fact, we still are and you’re in the pilot’s seat.”

It took a while for her words to sink in. “But that means…”

She nodded and reached out her hands. Xavier leaned across the table and took her ringed fingers. The world melted away one final time and the pair found themselves back on Earth where this journey had started. They were sitting in identical wicker chairs on the deck, the waves crashing in the background and the smell of sea salt in the warm evening air. They were still holding hands and both of them had tear tracks framing their faces.

“You did it, son,” Edarna said as they pulled apart. “You healed us both.”